Undetectable viral load, 260 fighter cells. The fighter cell result is disappointing and not so much when I recall I had 80 before the start of treatment for AIDS.
Now that I have a permanent care card, I am empowered enough to see a specialist in Vancouver. My first appointment is in mid June.
I have some lab tests to get done on Monday I hope. I need to call the hospital to confirm my appointment.
I need to get back to the gym. It has taken this long to get back to normal since landing. Most of my energy was spent convincing the people that I am the same person just not so needy.
Thanks Jehova Shalom for bringing us this far.
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Posted: Fri Apr 30, 2010 12:02 pm Life and Death...
Boxes of ashes with names displayed are stored before being claimed by their relatives at a shrine at the AIDS hospice on the grounds of the Wat
Phra Baht Nam Phu Buddhist temple in Lopburi.
With so much death in Africa from HIV/AIDS, I think ashes is the way to go as the coffins are soo expensive. Funerals are expensive.
I choose life!
....
Dave Warden, a bud tender at Private Organic Therapy, a non-profit co-operative medical marijuana dispensary, displays various types of marijuana available to patients, including those with AIDS, in Los Angeles.
Phra Baht Nam Phu Buddhist temple in Lopburi.
With so much death in Africa from HIV/AIDS, I think ashes is the way to go as the coffins are soo expensive. Funerals are expensive.
I choose life!
....
Dave Warden, a bud tender at Private Organic Therapy, a non-profit co-operative medical marijuana dispensary, displays various types of marijuana available to patients, including those with AIDS, in Los Angeles.
Posted: Sun Apr 25, 2010 4:56 pm alf a day's pay will go on for years...
Ed has a Genius mother and she was telling me on the phone at work that I can bring in my geraniums in the home during the cold season and bring them out in the fair weather. And, I can clone the geraniums...!!
Ted is a Genius for a reason...life saver.
Happy Sunday...
....
Ted is a Genius for a reason...life saver.
Happy Sunday...
....
Posted: Sat Apr 24, 2010 7:05 pm Gardening today...
It cost me a half a days pay and it was all worth it. Here are some pictures.
Now it is to remember to water the garden which a responsibility that is fun. A hobby is worth spending $$ on.
Cheers!
...
Posted: Tue Apr 20, 2010 5:16 pm 420 today...
I was talking to somebody who used to be a bouncer and he said there were at least 5000 people in Centennial today at exactly 4:20pm on 420. I have NEVER seen the festivities so packed...we need a bigger area soon...no?
That is success.
Congratulations Ted.
Cheers
...
That is success.
Congratulations Ted.
Cheers
...
Posted: Sat Apr 17, 2010 9:58 am This coming from a former CEO of coca cola...
My brother Martin and Niece Rose sent it to me and I thought I would share.
Cheers!
...
Posted: Thu Apr 15, 2010 11:31 am MY ACTIVIST JOURNEY...
"I believe I am here for a special purpose, and that GOD has given me all I need to carry out His plan for me." On a plaque that I bought yesterday, April 13, 2010.
I was active enough to swim past and ahead of all those millions of my father’s specimen heading for my mother’s egg. So did you out of your fathers... We are ALL winners in that sense. Crazy thought yet true.
When I was six years old, I sang in a wedding. We had been asked not to sing that song anywhere because it was for competition. I went ahead and sang it. My first born brother Martin could not believe it. I was put on a table and they took photos of me which are still in my parent’s house or so I hope. The song was for Sunday school. I have always been a risk taker for the sake of it, and mostly forced by circumstances. In about another six years, I was a Sunday school teacher to my peers. I was more prepared then to appear in public than I am now even with a Competent Toastmaster certificate.
"Activism is the rent we pay to live on the planet." When I read that in a classroom, where I was teaching children here in Canada, I realized I had been paying my rent to live on the planet from around age five years old if not earlier. With activism, what matters is that you are in it. Sure the number of years one is involved counts, yet in my opinion, what counts is that you are an activist at all. I believe that just by signing up to International Hempology 101 and/or Cannabis Buyers’ Clubs of Canada, one is already an activist for this cause. That goes for staff as well.
In high school I was made the time keeper. I think I was chosen so that I could keep time myself. In those young days, if I did not like the next subject most likely math, I would extend the last period. I had the power. At the next school which was a two year course preparation for the University, I was made the head girl. My leadership skills were coming through very well until something happened. My deputy head girl Damaris and another girl Nancy took off into the dark. Damaris had asked me if she could run to the corner store and I had agreed. It got late and the girls had not shown up. I reported the case to the headmistress. We searched high and low for the girls. When they finally showed up driven by two older men, Damaris said that I gave them permission to exit. The whole thing led to my demotion and it stripped me off my badge and any self worth that had emerged. At the same time, I was elected as a Diocesan Vice Chairperson for the Young Christian Students. Nothing stops me...
I could not study properly as I did not know how to behave as a demoted 19 year old head girl. For that matter, I did not see the inside of a University class. I still want to meet with Damaris and give her a piece of my mind. 22 years later. My heart was down but I was still alive. I applied to teach Christian Religious Education as well as the Kiswahili language at a local Secondary school. I taught for 10 months and had to run away from sexual harassment against me by the deputy headmaster. I was seeing that older men were ruining younger girls and their lives.
During college and even while I was working as an office clerk in the city, I fell prey to the richer older men. Similar men to those who had taken my high school peers Damaris and Nancy, prey. I could not connect between my demotion in high school and what was happening to me in the city. When I started working as a Secretary to the Chairman of Human Pathology, University of Nairobi, I gained my composure. At a Secretary of the year award ceremony in 1994, I took mailing addresses of single mothers who were office secretaries.
I had come to realize that as single mother secretaries, we were not making enough money to take care of our families. We had therefore opted for the Damaris style. We were going out with richer older me to compliment our pay. I knew there was something wrong with the picture and I knew I was not the only one sleeping with my medical doctor bosses. Since I had been told that I had AIDS just as I was getting hired to work at the medical school, I knew to use condoms and I doubted my fellow secretaries were doing the same.
Before I looked into the secretaries affairs, I did outreach for the women on the streets. I used to be on the streets myself and clearly understood how the HIV was spread. My desire to help my sisters was unquestionable. I worked in the medical school during the day and did five outreach days a week for three years. I am persistent and faithful to my causes.
Apart from my doctor, the next person I told about my fatal illness was my three year old daughter. Jessy is her name. She is now dead (3 July 1997). She wanted to play and I yelled at her to go play somewhere else. I was worried, angry and everything in between. Jacinta exhibited signs of self worth by asking me a question I would never have asked my mum in any given circumstance. Definitely not at three years old. She said mixing Kiswahili with English, “Mami, mbona unanishoutia?” In other words, “Mami, why are you shouting at me?” People usually say that I had brought her up with self worth for her to feel comfortable and safe to ask me that question. I think she was just her own person that was teaching me to watch my mouth.
At first I wanted to beat her up and throw her off the balcony. My daughter was breaking the curse...I controlled all that anger and told her I was ill, I was going to die and I was worried about her. And I told her not to tell anybody. It was such a burden on such a young soul. And that is why I speak up today. I speak up for myself and for all the heaviness I put on little Jessy and her very brave soul. I miss her. She is my power point. She is my soul nurturing food and strength. The reason I do what I do. I swear by the mountains that if that child died without me at her side for whatever reason, then I must make it worthwhile. Being a servant is one way to do that. I am not to be mistaken for a door mat though. Times have changed. Gone are the days when I gave what I didn’t have which is near impossible but I did it!
Remember the addresses I took from the secretaries in 1994 Kenya secretary of the year awards competitions, in 1996, students at the medical school were well aware of my reaching out to the prostitutes and the secretaries. They asked me if I can write a paper/abstract. I sought through and picked out the single mothers and sent them forms to access their Knowledge, Attitude, Behaviour and Practice (KABP) on HIV/AIDS and to identify hindering of behaviour change to HIV/AIDS and hence come up with effective behavioural models that will help participants enhance safer sex practices. From what I got from the forms, I wrote a paper AIDS OUTREACH PROGRAM TARGETING SINGLE MOTHERS WHO ARE OFFICE SECRETARIES IN AND AROUND NAIROBI.
My lovely assistants were Bwayo JJ (RIP), Ngugi EN and Ndinya-Achola. All medical doctors. My job was to come up with an issue, project, results and lessons learned. The issue was that single mothers in Kenya were economically unstable. The project was me taking the initiative to collect addresses of single mothers who were office secretaries, sending them forms to access (KABP) and the result was the fact that very few women carried condoms even though they knew how to use them. The lesson learned was that single mothers who are office secretaries have evidently a role to play in the prevention of HIV/AIDS. I learned that integral sexual education and services that can help were needed and distribution of high quality condoms.
My paper was labelled by the International AIDS Society as LB.D.6066 and published. That my friends, is what brought me to Canada. To present my paper in the 1996 International conference on AIDS! I just did not hop in a plane and get here. With the help of a lot of people visible and Invisible, I made it here. July 4, 1996. What I had to do to get a passport in the first place and then get it renewed the next year is something I don’t want to talk about...anyway, at the conference new medication was announced. The medication was available right here in the Beautiful British Columbia. I would have been a fool to go back home and if I was not paying attention at the conference, I would have missed the boat. It ended up that I took the boat from Vancouver to Victoria and for two years, I did housecleaning with a fighter cell count of 80. I had no idea about how to go about getting the medication. Normal is between 450-1500. I didn’t know how sick I was, I only knew I had to work and pay rent and feed, clothe and educate what I had brought into the world. Jessy was still in Kenya and I being the responsible parent had to look after her from a distance.
Jessy’s death finished me but not quite as I am still here. Eight months after her death and me having done an IV drug, I called a “friend” and told her everything. Granted I called her several times and the last time she asked for my address. This was the day I had come from the hospital from almost dying from some street IV drug. My world was falling apart, literally. As I was laying there on my floor (was I naked? Hmmm...), there was a knock on my door. Four cops, maybe three walked in. They said they came to check if I was ok. I was still affected by the drug and I told them I had HIV, cleaned houses without a permit, I told them stuff. It was the drug because my normal self in those circumstances would have been nervous and lying.
Couple days later, there was a knock on my door. It was guys with badges. The scene was very similar to Law and Order. They announced themselves as Citizenship and Immigration Canada and RCMP. They never read me my rights and I was so scared to ask them to do so. I had learned in school about rights but what I did not know is that they apply to the whole world...even though they are practised. I was asked if I was HIV+ and I said yes. I knew the cops had rat me out somehow. They asked if I cleaned houses without a permit and I said yes. I don’t know where I got the guts. Ristaking...They asked if I had lost my passport and I said yes. Off to the police cells I went. Long story short, I was asked to leave in a month. No money, no passport I couldn’t leave. But I did move from my bachelor suit of which I was paying $450 without social services. Immigration and RCMP followed me to the house I moved my stuff, into the police cells I went, next morning taken to Vancouver, transferred to a van and soon I was in solitary confinement. March, 1998. It was the beginning of the month...of March.
They picked me up from Victoria on Friday night so that I could not even call a lawyer I had got through legal aid. It was nuts. Monday, I was being deported. OMG! My escort to Kenya reversed my deportation. I spent one more night in detention after a hearing and was released. I was so scared and excited that I was running a thousand meters per hour to the bus stop, looking back to see if they were after me. Jesus...anyway, when I came back to Victoria I cleaned a few homes, I reconnected with AIDS Vancouver Island (AVI) after doing my third HIV test in total and my first in Canada.
While I was in detention, I thought about many things. That was my cocoon stage if you think of a butterfly. I had nothing left but a TEARDROP! And that will be the title of ...I don’t want to disclose everything. Teaching about HIV/AIDS was something I wanted to do. I told the Creator that I would do it whether or not I got deported. Since then until now 11 years later, I am volunteering for AVI.
The next thing that happened was that I was anointed to do ministry. Here in Canada. Baptist church. Western Community Baptist Church. January 17, 1999. The Open Door opened its doors to me as an outreach worker for five years. Then they ran out of funding. When that happened, I explained to my friend Ryan about my desire to open an educational group. He did everything he could and while I am the founder of SAN-FAN Educational Group, we co-own the company. That is the first thing we did after we realised we were a match made in heaven. In total, I have done close to 1000 presentations in Canada alone. We donate $300 a year to the BC Children’s Hospital in memory of Jessy. Instead of saying rude words to the health system in which Jessy died of a penicillin reaction, we choose to give back to the health system and hopefully help the children.
In between all that, Ted picked me to spend time at the club. It was so exciting because he was going to the Behaviour Education room and I was going into the box. And he asked me if I could spend time at the club and I said yes. My membership with the club is now at over 10 years. Within those 10 years, I have volunteered and worked at the club in various capacities and at different times. Volunteering during the campaign - TED FOR MAYOR, speaking at City Hall numerous times to keep the club going, following Ted everywhere during those days (LOL), offering peer support to my fellow members and working at the front desk. I spoke at a Hempology convention once. 2006. I really appreciated that opportunity because I was on a low and everything about getting ready for the speech lifted me up.
All this service earned me an award as a woman of distinction for the YWCA in the category of Health and Wellness. I was initially nominated by Melanie of AVI. The awards were on May 23, 2003. Slightly a month later, Ryan and I were still friends and dating. I have known him since 1999 and have been married close to 5 years. We edify each other. Right now I am still waiting for my immigration papers. I am going for permanent residence for now. Much of my heart is still in Kenya and so citizenship is not something I am looking at in this moment. I am somehow mad at both countries. I love them both. I am truly torn between continents...
I sang at a wedding when I was 6 years and at our wedding accompanied by my parents nearly 30 years since my debut. See? Next I will sing at my funeral...see you there.
I was active enough to swim past and ahead of all those millions of my father’s specimen heading for my mother’s egg. So did you out of your fathers... We are ALL winners in that sense. Crazy thought yet true.
When I was six years old, I sang in a wedding. We had been asked not to sing that song anywhere because it was for competition. I went ahead and sang it. My first born brother Martin could not believe it. I was put on a table and they took photos of me which are still in my parent’s house or so I hope. The song was for Sunday school. I have always been a risk taker for the sake of it, and mostly forced by circumstances. In about another six years, I was a Sunday school teacher to my peers. I was more prepared then to appear in public than I am now even with a Competent Toastmaster certificate.
"Activism is the rent we pay to live on the planet." When I read that in a classroom, where I was teaching children here in Canada, I realized I had been paying my rent to live on the planet from around age five years old if not earlier. With activism, what matters is that you are in it. Sure the number of years one is involved counts, yet in my opinion, what counts is that you are an activist at all. I believe that just by signing up to International Hempology 101 and/or Cannabis Buyers’ Clubs of Canada, one is already an activist for this cause. That goes for staff as well.
In high school I was made the time keeper. I think I was chosen so that I could keep time myself. In those young days, if I did not like the next subject most likely math, I would extend the last period. I had the power. At the next school which was a two year course preparation for the University, I was made the head girl. My leadership skills were coming through very well until something happened. My deputy head girl Damaris and another girl Nancy took off into the dark. Damaris had asked me if she could run to the corner store and I had agreed. It got late and the girls had not shown up. I reported the case to the headmistress. We searched high and low for the girls. When they finally showed up driven by two older men, Damaris said that I gave them permission to exit. The whole thing led to my demotion and it stripped me off my badge and any self worth that had emerged. At the same time, I was elected as a Diocesan Vice Chairperson for the Young Christian Students. Nothing stops me...
I could not study properly as I did not know how to behave as a demoted 19 year old head girl. For that matter, I did not see the inside of a University class. I still want to meet with Damaris and give her a piece of my mind. 22 years later. My heart was down but I was still alive. I applied to teach Christian Religious Education as well as the Kiswahili language at a local Secondary school. I taught for 10 months and had to run away from sexual harassment against me by the deputy headmaster. I was seeing that older men were ruining younger girls and their lives.
During college and even while I was working as an office clerk in the city, I fell prey to the richer older men. Similar men to those who had taken my high school peers Damaris and Nancy, prey. I could not connect between my demotion in high school and what was happening to me in the city. When I started working as a Secretary to the Chairman of Human Pathology, University of Nairobi, I gained my composure. At a Secretary of the year award ceremony in 1994, I took mailing addresses of single mothers who were office secretaries.
I had come to realize that as single mother secretaries, we were not making enough money to take care of our families. We had therefore opted for the Damaris style. We were going out with richer older me to compliment our pay. I knew there was something wrong with the picture and I knew I was not the only one sleeping with my medical doctor bosses. Since I had been told that I had AIDS just as I was getting hired to work at the medical school, I knew to use condoms and I doubted my fellow secretaries were doing the same.
Before I looked into the secretaries affairs, I did outreach for the women on the streets. I used to be on the streets myself and clearly understood how the HIV was spread. My desire to help my sisters was unquestionable. I worked in the medical school during the day and did five outreach days a week for three years. I am persistent and faithful to my causes.
Apart from my doctor, the next person I told about my fatal illness was my three year old daughter. Jessy is her name. She is now dead (3 July 1997). She wanted to play and I yelled at her to go play somewhere else. I was worried, angry and everything in between. Jacinta exhibited signs of self worth by asking me a question I would never have asked my mum in any given circumstance. Definitely not at three years old. She said mixing Kiswahili with English, “Mami, mbona unanishoutia?” In other words, “Mami, why are you shouting at me?” People usually say that I had brought her up with self worth for her to feel comfortable and safe to ask me that question. I think she was just her own person that was teaching me to watch my mouth.
At first I wanted to beat her up and throw her off the balcony. My daughter was breaking the curse...I controlled all that anger and told her I was ill, I was going to die and I was worried about her. And I told her not to tell anybody. It was such a burden on such a young soul. And that is why I speak up today. I speak up for myself and for all the heaviness I put on little Jessy and her very brave soul. I miss her. She is my power point. She is my soul nurturing food and strength. The reason I do what I do. I swear by the mountains that if that child died without me at her side for whatever reason, then I must make it worthwhile. Being a servant is one way to do that. I am not to be mistaken for a door mat though. Times have changed. Gone are the days when I gave what I didn’t have which is near impossible but I did it!
Remember the addresses I took from the secretaries in 1994 Kenya secretary of the year awards competitions, in 1996, students at the medical school were well aware of my reaching out to the prostitutes and the secretaries. They asked me if I can write a paper/abstract. I sought through and picked out the single mothers and sent them forms to access their Knowledge, Attitude, Behaviour and Practice (KABP) on HIV/AIDS and to identify hindering of behaviour change to HIV/AIDS and hence come up with effective behavioural models that will help participants enhance safer sex practices. From what I got from the forms, I wrote a paper AIDS OUTREACH PROGRAM TARGETING SINGLE MOTHERS WHO ARE OFFICE SECRETARIES IN AND AROUND NAIROBI.
My lovely assistants were Bwayo JJ (RIP), Ngugi EN and Ndinya-Achola. All medical doctors. My job was to come up with an issue, project, results and lessons learned. The issue was that single mothers in Kenya were economically unstable. The project was me taking the initiative to collect addresses of single mothers who were office secretaries, sending them forms to access (KABP) and the result was the fact that very few women carried condoms even though they knew how to use them. The lesson learned was that single mothers who are office secretaries have evidently a role to play in the prevention of HIV/AIDS. I learned that integral sexual education and services that can help were needed and distribution of high quality condoms.
My paper was labelled by the International AIDS Society as LB.D.6066 and published. That my friends, is what brought me to Canada. To present my paper in the 1996 International conference on AIDS! I just did not hop in a plane and get here. With the help of a lot of people visible and Invisible, I made it here. July 4, 1996. What I had to do to get a passport in the first place and then get it renewed the next year is something I don’t want to talk about...anyway, at the conference new medication was announced. The medication was available right here in the Beautiful British Columbia. I would have been a fool to go back home and if I was not paying attention at the conference, I would have missed the boat. It ended up that I took the boat from Vancouver to Victoria and for two years, I did housecleaning with a fighter cell count of 80. I had no idea about how to go about getting the medication. Normal is between 450-1500. I didn’t know how sick I was, I only knew I had to work and pay rent and feed, clothe and educate what I had brought into the world. Jessy was still in Kenya and I being the responsible parent had to look after her from a distance.
Jessy’s death finished me but not quite as I am still here. Eight months after her death and me having done an IV drug, I called a “friend” and told her everything. Granted I called her several times and the last time she asked for my address. This was the day I had come from the hospital from almost dying from some street IV drug. My world was falling apart, literally. As I was laying there on my floor (was I naked? Hmmm...), there was a knock on my door. Four cops, maybe three walked in. They said they came to check if I was ok. I was still affected by the drug and I told them I had HIV, cleaned houses without a permit, I told them stuff. It was the drug because my normal self in those circumstances would have been nervous and lying.
Couple days later, there was a knock on my door. It was guys with badges. The scene was very similar to Law and Order. They announced themselves as Citizenship and Immigration Canada and RCMP. They never read me my rights and I was so scared to ask them to do so. I had learned in school about rights but what I did not know is that they apply to the whole world...even though they are practised. I was asked if I was HIV+ and I said yes. I knew the cops had rat me out somehow. They asked if I cleaned houses without a permit and I said yes. I don’t know where I got the guts. Ristaking...They asked if I had lost my passport and I said yes. Off to the police cells I went. Long story short, I was asked to leave in a month. No money, no passport I couldn’t leave. But I did move from my bachelor suit of which I was paying $450 without social services. Immigration and RCMP followed me to the house I moved my stuff, into the police cells I went, next morning taken to Vancouver, transferred to a van and soon I was in solitary confinement. March, 1998. It was the beginning of the month...of March.
They picked me up from Victoria on Friday night so that I could not even call a lawyer I had got through legal aid. It was nuts. Monday, I was being deported. OMG! My escort to Kenya reversed my deportation. I spent one more night in detention after a hearing and was released. I was so scared and excited that I was running a thousand meters per hour to the bus stop, looking back to see if they were after me. Jesus...anyway, when I came back to Victoria I cleaned a few homes, I reconnected with AIDS Vancouver Island (AVI) after doing my third HIV test in total and my first in Canada.
While I was in detention, I thought about many things. That was my cocoon stage if you think of a butterfly. I had nothing left but a TEARDROP! And that will be the title of ...I don’t want to disclose everything. Teaching about HIV/AIDS was something I wanted to do. I told the Creator that I would do it whether or not I got deported. Since then until now 11 years later, I am volunteering for AVI.
The next thing that happened was that I was anointed to do ministry. Here in Canada. Baptist church. Western Community Baptist Church. January 17, 1999. The Open Door opened its doors to me as an outreach worker for five years. Then they ran out of funding. When that happened, I explained to my friend Ryan about my desire to open an educational group. He did everything he could and while I am the founder of SAN-FAN Educational Group, we co-own the company. That is the first thing we did after we realised we were a match made in heaven. In total, I have done close to 1000 presentations in Canada alone. We donate $300 a year to the BC Children’s Hospital in memory of Jessy. Instead of saying rude words to the health system in which Jessy died of a penicillin reaction, we choose to give back to the health system and hopefully help the children.
In between all that, Ted picked me to spend time at the club. It was so exciting because he was going to the Behaviour Education room and I was going into the box. And he asked me if I could spend time at the club and I said yes. My membership with the club is now at over 10 years. Within those 10 years, I have volunteered and worked at the club in various capacities and at different times. Volunteering during the campaign - TED FOR MAYOR, speaking at City Hall numerous times to keep the club going, following Ted everywhere during those days (LOL), offering peer support to my fellow members and working at the front desk. I spoke at a Hempology convention once. 2006. I really appreciated that opportunity because I was on a low and everything about getting ready for the speech lifted me up.
All this service earned me an award as a woman of distinction for the YWCA in the category of Health and Wellness. I was initially nominated by Melanie of AVI. The awards were on May 23, 2003. Slightly a month later, Ryan and I were still friends and dating. I have known him since 1999 and have been married close to 5 years. We edify each other. Right now I am still waiting for my immigration papers. I am going for permanent residence for now. Much of my heart is still in Kenya and so citizenship is not something I am looking at in this moment. I am somehow mad at both countries. I love them both. I am truly torn between continents...
I sang at a wedding when I was 6 years and at our wedding accompanied by my parents nearly 30 years since my debut. See? Next I will sing at my funeral...see you there.
Posted: Mon Apr 12, 2010 6:51 pm April 01, 2010.
On this day, my permanent health care card in Canada kicked in. It was no April Fools Day joke. It was a sign of life.
I have had a care card number since 1996 I believe. This is what happened. A certain doctor told me to get depro vera. It is complicated and I did get the birth control. At the pharmacy though, the gentleman there asked me what my health care card was. This was in 1996 and I had barely been here. He could not believe I did not have a number. That guy called a certain place and I was issued a personal health number, not a card. I had to begin somewhere and that was where I begun.
When I got caught for cleaning houses without a permit in 1998, the following year I was diagnosed with Bi polar. Because there was and still there is no social services in Kenya, I was not expecting social services here and if I was, I did not know how to access the system. I was ignorant and have always worked for my money, sometimes in dangerous street corners.
Anyway, when I was admitted to the mental hospital in January of 1999 for the first time out of six (2006), they wanted to help me as much as possible. The bill bounced at the hospital and then they pardoned me...then they wanted to be sure I was housed. With the help of a lady social worker who is now retired and a member here, I got my first welfare cheque. It was not going to be possible without a care card number. See how things work?
I was told I had AIDS in Kenya in 1996. I did my first Canadian test in 1997. I did several because of disbelieve. The Cool AID clinic then called the Swift Street Clinic who took me in. They did not require a card to help me out. They may have required a number. I don't recall. If they did, I had the number. They ROCK!
Immigration Canada paid for medication and lab and specialists until 2004 when I got my first care card though temporary. It expired when my work visa expires. I don't think the specialist got paid because he stopped seeing me for lack of payments.
From January 2004 to when I landed in January 2010, I was using my temporary care cards. It is not until April 1, 2010 that permanent care kicked in. I had a taste of some health care in Kenya. It was a benefit at the University of Nairobi where I worked for three years. What I have now can only be God given.
I give thanks to my Beloved husbands job that pays the premiums for both of us.
This was one gift I was not expecting and one that I don't take for granted.
My new health care card has no expiry date.
We have been away from the government system since 2008. We are still disabled and not on the system. Had to get out. I love Ted's system better. Lots of benefits...lots.
I am in the process of being seen in Vancouver at the St. Paul's Hospital. I need a regular HIV/AIDS specialist and now I have enough self worth to access proper care. I love the permanence.
I maintained the same number throughout. Even on the temporary cards, same number on the permanent. That doctor working in Kenya and coming to the conference with me and then heading back to visit his home in the USA had a lot to do with me getting a number. I had to work to get the card with the number on it...goodness.
I can finally go to the lab and see where I am at with my blood. It has been since October 09 without lab work. I was in between cards.
Cheers
...
I have had a care card number since 1996 I believe. This is what happened. A certain doctor told me to get depro vera. It is complicated and I did get the birth control. At the pharmacy though, the gentleman there asked me what my health care card was. This was in 1996 and I had barely been here. He could not believe I did not have a number. That guy called a certain place and I was issued a personal health number, not a card. I had to begin somewhere and that was where I begun.
When I got caught for cleaning houses without a permit in 1998, the following year I was diagnosed with Bi polar. Because there was and still there is no social services in Kenya, I was not expecting social services here and if I was, I did not know how to access the system. I was ignorant and have always worked for my money, sometimes in dangerous street corners.
Anyway, when I was admitted to the mental hospital in January of 1999 for the first time out of six (2006), they wanted to help me as much as possible. The bill bounced at the hospital and then they pardoned me...then they wanted to be sure I was housed. With the help of a lady social worker who is now retired and a member here, I got my first welfare cheque. It was not going to be possible without a care card number. See how things work?
I was told I had AIDS in Kenya in 1996. I did my first Canadian test in 1997. I did several because of disbelieve. The Cool AID clinic then called the Swift Street Clinic who took me in. They did not require a card to help me out. They may have required a number. I don't recall. If they did, I had the number. They ROCK!
Immigration Canada paid for medication and lab and specialists until 2004 when I got my first care card though temporary. It expired when my work visa expires. I don't think the specialist got paid because he stopped seeing me for lack of payments.
From January 2004 to when I landed in January 2010, I was using my temporary care cards. It is not until April 1, 2010 that permanent care kicked in. I had a taste of some health care in Kenya. It was a benefit at the University of Nairobi where I worked for three years. What I have now can only be God given.
I give thanks to my Beloved husbands job that pays the premiums for both of us.
This was one gift I was not expecting and one that I don't take for granted.
My new health care card has no expiry date.
We have been away from the government system since 2008. We are still disabled and not on the system. Had to get out. I love Ted's system better. Lots of benefits...lots.
I am in the process of being seen in Vancouver at the St. Paul's Hospital. I need a regular HIV/AIDS specialist and now I have enough self worth to access proper care. I love the permanence.
I maintained the same number throughout. Even on the temporary cards, same number on the permanent. That doctor working in Kenya and coming to the conference with me and then heading back to visit his home in the USA had a lot to do with me getting a number. I had to work to get the card with the number on it...goodness.
I can finally go to the lab and see where I am at with my blood. It has been since October 09 without lab work. I was in between cards.
Cheers
...
Posted: Tue Apr 06, 2010 4:17 pm The hardest part...
The hardest part is when I had to say that I had no dependants. My landing was bitter sweet...
I thought I was the one who was going to die when I wrote that letter to all men in Kenya and then kaboom, my kid was gone...a year after.
After 10 years of mourning her away from my birth family, I was ok until I realized in the landing that I had no dependants...then I had to heal all over again.
Such is life.
...
I thought I was the one who was going to die when I wrote that letter to all men in Kenya and then kaboom, my kid was gone...a year after.
After 10 years of mourning her away from my birth family, I was ok until I realized in the landing that I had no dependants...then I had to heal all over again.
Such is life.
...
Posted: Mon Apr 05, 2010 5:33 pm I had this letter distributed...in Kenya, a day b4 I left.
MuthoniMUTHONI
Heading Out of Country
2 July, 1996
TO ALL MEN OF KENYA INCLUDING PRESIDENT DANIEL TOROITICH ARAP MOI
I remember being violated by a man by the time I was seven years old. He is a member of my family on my mum's side - I wonder if he remembers the torture he put me through that I have to deal with for the rest of my life!!!! When I was about eleven, I was raped at the pathway leading home to my dad's house. It was in broad day light, quick action that ended before I knew what was going on. I dared not tell anyone these things and now I wonder how many women are keeping quiet. When I was about fifteen, I escaped yet another rape, this time I ran for my life. In 1992, I literally fought a man off me. I am speaking for every silent woman in Kenya and in the world, saying, "WE HAVE RIGHTS." I speak for all men too.
President Moi should know that we as Kenyans have the same rights as everyone else in the world, just by virtue of being human beings. This right has been taken away from us through corruption!! People are no longer treated with dignity. I cannot hold a meeting without a permit. The right to life, liberty and security has been taken away. People have been tortured for speaking the truth. I would like people to know they have rights. People are not issued passports without bribery, yet they have a right to travel. I had to pay Kshs. 2000 for renewal of my passport in June, this is disgusting since there was not supposed to be any charge. I have been forced to flee Kenya and go away. I have an exit but I do not know where I will be after the conference in which I am representing secretaries especially single mothers. All I know is that I will continue to fight for our rights. If possible, I will be back with change. I am risking my life and my family's life as well as my daughter's life but I will be back if possible. You have the rights my people and no one should take away the rights to which we all are entitled.
If I do not come back because I could possibly die of an ailment, know that I begun something that is good. Other people in the team will see it to the end till you are delivered. Moi, deliver my people.
To you my family, I hope you join me as soon as I settle. Forgive me for the risk in which I have exposed you to. Jessy, my daughter, I am not leaving you alone, you are always with me.
If any death occurs because of this letter, it is for a worthwhile cause.
Common everybody, let's get to work.
It will be soon when I will be home again...there I will see my late daughter's grave...and lots of folk some who I have NEVER seen. Oh my!
____________________
Posted: Mon Apr 05, 2010 12:31 pm Floyd's Coffee...
Let me tell you!
On Saturday, My Beloved and I went for a morning walk before joining the family for breakfast at Floyd's.
For some reason, I drunk three mugs of Floyd's coffee. By the time breakfast was over and my Beloved and I had said our goodbyes and made our way to club, I was high as a kite - from the coffee and I had forgotten that I had drunk coffee leave alone three mugs.
Thinking I am straight, I made an attempt to talk to the Boss and I could hardly breath. While I was wondering what was wrong with me, it was mentioned that I was a nervous. OMG, I got really nervous, shaking and worried inside.
We made our way home and later in day after my reactions had forced me to take a cold shower, I remembered why I had been weird...so I phoned my Boss and let him know lol.
I must be careful with Floyd's coffee...
Have a calm day.
....
On Saturday, My Beloved and I went for a morning walk before joining the family for breakfast at Floyd's.
For some reason, I drunk three mugs of Floyd's coffee. By the time breakfast was over and my Beloved and I had said our goodbyes and made our way to club, I was high as a kite - from the coffee and I had forgotten that I had drunk coffee leave alone three mugs.
Thinking I am straight, I made an attempt to talk to the Boss and I could hardly breath. While I was wondering what was wrong with me, it was mentioned that I was a nervous. OMG, I got really nervous, shaking and worried inside.
We made our way home and later in day after my reactions had forced me to take a cold shower, I remembered why I had been weird...so I phoned my Boss and let him know lol.
I must be careful with Floyd's coffee...
Have a calm day.
....
Posted: Mon Mar 22, 2010 11:38 am Obama wins epic health-care battle
The US House of Representatives has given final approval to a sweeping health care overhaul... and handing president Barack Obama a landmark victory...The overhaul will extend health coverage to 32 million Americans, expand the government health plan for the poor, impose new taxes on the wealthy and bar insurance practices such as refusing to cover people with pre-existing medical conditions.
It's business time!
The health care is said to be expanding insurance coverage to nearly all Americans. My question is who is being left out? The illegal aliens?
...
It's business time!
The health care is said to be expanding insurance coverage to nearly all Americans. My question is who is being left out? The illegal aliens?
...
Posted: Sat Mar 20, 2010 1:52 pm It's the first day of Spring 2010
SPRINGTIME
In the glow of the dawn,
Welcome a new day,
Greet the golden sunlight or rain,
Nature in all its subtlety.
Whip of the wind,
Earth unfolds,
Softly falling rain,
Growing plants and buds blossoming.
Visions of the earth, with glories of nature,
Beauty of the daffodils,
Sunshine and rain from a rainbow,
Awe! Nature in full bloom
Rising in early morn
Birds with note loud and musical
Lustrous species adorned with rich bicolors glowing,
Attracting attention from movements of character unvarying.
Birds building nests in the spring
Sound of sweet melody, humming birds sing
Sunshine spreading a colorful blanket
Tis the perfect joy of spring!
Blanche Black
Cheers!
...
Posted: Tue Mar 16, 2010 1:41 pm 2003, a few months before ... and I started dating.
2003, Loon Lake British Columbia.
I will try anything once.
Cheers, ....
I will try anything once.
Cheers, ....
Posted: Sat Mar 13, 2010 5:01 pm 2003, when ... was still dating me before marriage 2005.
Beacon Hill Park. I am a Tom Boy through and through. I was raised with a dad, five brothers, a mum and a sister. And then there was I.
Love
...
Love
...
Posted: Sat Mar 13, 2010 5:01 pm 2003, when ... was still dating me before marriage 2005.
Beacon Hill Park. I am a Tom Boy through and through. I was raised with a dad, five brothers, a mum and a sister. And then there was I.
Posted: Tue Mar 09, 2010 12:27 pm My observation.
Unexpected changes and challenges arise from the people I know as friends...Some people are threatened by maybe my new look or makeover, or by my highly energetic behavior.
What to do?
...
What to do?
...
Posted: Sat Mar 06, 2010 11:32 am My publication in Kenya at 24 years.
Hardly a year after I had been told I had AIDs.
This is one of the things that brought me to Canada.
My favourite quote on there,
Some people have reacted to the epidermic with a mixture of fear, denial, apprehension and at times remarkable courage. Some people have blundered: some have devoted their lives to mitigating the suffering and the need to act and have even used the AIDS epidemic for financial gains... ~... Muthoni 1994.
When I was interviewed for college sponsorship by National Churches of Council of Kenya, I told them that I wanted to change the Secretarial Profession for the better. It was 1988 when I was 20 years old and my blood is still boiling for this action. My only sister is a Secretary and so am I. For us and others, I wi...ll fight. To hell with sexual harassment at the work place. Yeah!
Cheers!
...
This is one of the things that brought me to Canada.
My favourite quote on there,
Some people have reacted to the epidermic with a mixture of fear, denial, apprehension and at times remarkable courage. Some people have blundered: some have devoted their lives to mitigating the suffering and the need to act and have even used the AIDS epidemic for financial gains... ~... Muthoni 1994.
When I was interviewed for college sponsorship by National Churches of Council of Kenya, I told them that I wanted to change the Secretarial Profession for the better. It was 1988 when I was 20 years old and my blood is still boiling for this action. My only sister is a Secretary and so am I. For us and others, I wi...ll fight. To hell with sexual harassment at the work place. Yeah!
Cheers!
...
Posted: Sat Mar 06, 2010 10:14 am My experience...
Someone is testing me - trying to find out what my hot buttons are and how long they can push them before I explode -
BOOM!
...
BOOM!
...
Posted: Thu Mar 04, 2010 1:30 pm Yesterday.
12:44pm. I had been busy all morning. I had done a load of laundry, tidied the kitchen, clothes folded and put away, clothes on dresser hang. Tidied the living room. Toked Mr. Green Vacuumed the Upper Chambers and I brought the vacuum cleaner downstairs and decide to smoke some more weed from the pipe I won at the convention on Sunday.
My door was open and suddenly I noticed two guys watching me from the buildings across from us. I had my clothes on, thank goodness and an apron. So to them I looked like a black maid smoking at work. The one guy was dramatically talking to the other.
When they noticed that I had noticed them, they walked to a different room where I could still see them and I waved and showed them thumbs up. The one guy waved back.
I decided to go outside with my pipe. Then when I went in, I closed my door. I decided to put Simon the giraffe outside for a while. . He has earrings and Canada sunglasses. I gave them something to watch.
Simon is my gift from my Beloved Husband for landing.
This morning, the blinds across were shut!
Have a private day. Will you?
...
My door was open and suddenly I noticed two guys watching me from the buildings across from us. I had my clothes on, thank goodness and an apron. So to them I looked like a black maid smoking at work. The one guy was dramatically talking to the other.
When they noticed that I had noticed them, they walked to a different room where I could still see them and I waved and showed them thumbs up. The one guy waved back.
I decided to go outside with my pipe. Then when I went in, I closed my door. I decided to put Simon the giraffe outside for a while. . He has earrings and Canada sunglasses. I gave them something to watch.
Simon is my gift from my Beloved Husband for landing.
This morning, the blinds across were shut!
Have a private day. Will you?
...
Posted: Wed Feb 17, 2010 5:37 pm A thought...
It is awesome to be enjoying my break from my enjoyable work for an hour. Here is a thought.
Cheers!
...
The world only goes round by misunderstanding.~Charles Baudelaire
Cheers!
...
Posted: Mon Feb 15, 2010 5:37 pm Music has kept my health blooming.
I am on my break right now...Got to head back to work in 22 minutes. Gotta get the yogurt and extra strength cookies for 6:00pm when I take my medication. I love my relaxed attitude towards life. It took HARD work to get there and a little help from my friends. I have ran around for far too many years. I am glad I have my sh!t together. I am glad I am already here as opposed to Already Gone. Speaking of which. Have you had heard this Eagles song?
Already Gone
Well, I heard some people talkin' just the other day
And they said you were gonna put me on a shelf
But let me tell you I got some news for you
And you'll soon find out it's true
And then you'll have to eat your lunch all by yourself
'Cause I'm already gone
And I'm feelin' strong
I will sing this vict'ry song, woo, hoo,hoo,woo,hoo,hoo
The letter that you wrote me made me stop and wonder why
But I guess you felt like you had to set things right
Just remember this, my girl, when you look up in the sky
You can see the stars and still not see the light (that's right)
And I'm already gone
And I'm feelin' strong
I will sing this vict'ry song, woo, hoo,hoo,woo, hoo,hoo
Well I know it wasn't you who held me down
Heaven knows it wasn't you who set me free
So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains
And we never even know we have the key
But me, I'm already gone
And I'm feelin' strong
I will sing this vict'ry song
'Cause I'm already gone
Yes, I'm already gone
And I'm feelin' strong
I will sing this vict'ry song
'Cause I'm already gone
Yes, I'm already gone
Already gone
All right, nighty-night
The bold sentences really help me go through it all.
...
Already Gone
Well, I heard some people talkin' just the other day
And they said you were gonna put me on a shelf
But let me tell you I got some news for you
And you'll soon find out it's true
And then you'll have to eat your lunch all by yourself
'Cause I'm already gone
And I'm feelin' strong
I will sing this vict'ry song, woo, hoo,hoo,woo,hoo,hoo
The letter that you wrote me made me stop and wonder why
But I guess you felt like you had to set things right
Just remember this, my girl, when you look up in the sky
You can see the stars and still not see the light (that's right)
And I'm already gone
And I'm feelin' strong
I will sing this vict'ry song, woo, hoo,hoo,woo, hoo,hoo
Well I know it wasn't you who held me down
Heaven knows it wasn't you who set me free
So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains
And we never even know we have the key
But me, I'm already gone
And I'm feelin' strong
I will sing this vict'ry song
'Cause I'm already gone
Yes, I'm already gone
And I'm feelin' strong
I will sing this vict'ry song
'Cause I'm already gone
Yes, I'm already gone
Already gone
All right, nighty-night
The bold sentences really help me go through it all.
...
Posted: Sun Feb 14, 2010 1:27 pm Happy Valentine's Day!
Here is a photo of my Beloved husband and I having a coffee with my Psychiatrist. That year 2006, I was admitted to mental hospital twice. Very little time in between the two visits. A stranger drew us from a distance. He gave us the drawing because I said to him that I noticed he kept looking at us.
What he did not know is that we were trying hard to get to the root if not the cause of my last two breakdowns. Nobody else was doing for us, so we had to do for ourselves.
The interest of my Beloved husband with my health cannot go unnoticed especially this Valentine's day when we can celebrate without drawbacks.
On a different topic, for those who don't know that I have always dressed up in Kenya, for those who think I never saw a computer until I got to Canada, behold, one of my offices in Kenya as a Secretary to the Chairman of the Department of Human Pathology, Medical School...3 years. Between July 1993 to July 1996. I studied Word
Processing in college among other courses and DBase as well. I am only now coming back to myself after traveling from home, losing my daughter, having AIDS, developing Bi Polar and living life such as getting married and battling immigration. It is a wonder that I achieved all I achieved. Now if only I can be let to pick up from where I seemed to have stopped. If only...And please note, I had AIDS in this photo.
Enjoy Valentine's Day if you can...
Mrs. ...(Muthoni - Mson - Minnie)
What he did not know is that we were trying hard to get to the root if not the cause of my last two breakdowns. Nobody else was doing for us, so we had to do for ourselves.
The interest of my Beloved husband with my health cannot go unnoticed especially this Valentine's day when we can celebrate without drawbacks.
On a different topic, for those who don't know that I have always dressed up in Kenya, for those who think I never saw a computer until I got to Canada, behold, one of my offices in Kenya as a Secretary to the Chairman of the Department of Human Pathology, Medical School...3 years. Between July 1993 to July 1996. I studied Word
Processing in college among other courses and DBase as well. I am only now coming back to myself after traveling from home, losing my daughter, having AIDS, developing Bi Polar and living life such as getting married and battling immigration. It is a wonder that I achieved all I achieved. Now if only I can be let to pick up from where I seemed to have stopped. If only...And please note, I had AIDS in this photo.
Enjoy Valentine's Day if you can...
Mrs. ...(Muthoni - Mson - Minnie)
Posted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 7:21 pm I am trying to figure out the nervous energy thing.
I don't know if I told you before, I have been to the mental hospital six times. The last time was January, 2006. 4 years ago. My Psychiatric says that I am manageable.
These were the reasons that directly took me to the mental hospital.
1. I was watching the wizard of oz when the green witch came out of the TV and started pressing on my chest and I was shouting to Jesus while everyone thought I was swearing. I asked that 911 be called. 1999
2. I went to somebody's home at 6.00am and they called the cops 2000
3. I told the dog to get out of my clean kitchen and the cops were called.2000
4. I was wanting to jump off the balcony on the 7th floor. I ran outside to the ground level and was speaking Kiswahili and Gikuyu and the cops arrived. 2004
5. Robbers came to my work place and I ended up in hospital. Ryan and I turned me into hospital. 2006
6. I told Ryan to take me to the police station and the police decided I was ill enough to go to the hospital. 2006
With robbery, I was finally seen by somebody at the cop station and when I could take it anymore, my husband and I went to the hospital where I had to have a not saying I was fit to work before I could resume work.
The whole saga has been kept in the dark and I have learned this is not the way to go because is in dark only causes more darkness and fear. Below is my husband's effort to get me help.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Regarding ...
Dear Dr. Stovell,
While you were away, ...was robbed at the store she works at. Three men with clubs came in wearing masks. Nobody got hurt, but ... was very disturbed by the event.
... seemed ok at first, but she could not sleep. After about 3 days of not sleeping things grew worse. She began showing signs of mania.
I started giving her a does(sic) of seroquel in the morning and at night, it had no real effect. ... and I decided to go to the hospital as we could not get a hold of you. They gave us sleeping pills that also had no effect. After trying the sleeping pills for 2 nights we went back to the hospital.
... admitted herself to EMI [Eric Martin Institute], first in the ward 4a, but within 2 days was moved to PIC [Psychiatric Intensive Care]. I am having trouble getting answer from them, every time I visit she has an entirely new staff watching over her, nobody seems to spend any time with her. Her doctor is rarely around.
I asked for a day pass to take ... out to see you and they declined saying she was not fit to leave. I feel that you now(sic) ...'s personal history better than these doctors and nurses. I know that ... will respond to you much better than she is with the strangers.
For example when they tried to give her olanzapine she argued said 'Dr. Stovell doesn't want me to take that'. They forced to with an injection.
She has asked me to contact you and arrange for you to visit her.
Both ... and I have respect and confidence in your abilities and your concern for .... We do not share the same feelings about the hospital staff. They seemed understaffed, and for them is just business of usual. They do not know her personally and if they do they are replaced by another nurse with a day or so.
I can be contacted at ***-****. ... is currently on the 3rd floor of Eric Martin, in the lock down area.
Her recovery seems slow, please do .what you can to help her.
Sincerely,
Ryan.
Why am I writing all this? Because I feel that the nervous energy comments are meant to make me feel small. If I really have a nervous energy and it is affecting other people, then I need treatment. My Beloved's job provides counselling. I am positive Ted will give me days off for it. Mr. Green
...
These were the reasons that directly took me to the mental hospital.
1. I was watching the wizard of oz when the green witch came out of the TV and started pressing on my chest and I was shouting to Jesus while everyone thought I was swearing. I asked that 911 be called. 1999
2. I went to somebody's home at 6.00am and they called the cops 2000
3. I told the dog to get out of my clean kitchen and the cops were called.2000
4. I was wanting to jump off the balcony on the 7th floor. I ran outside to the ground level and was speaking Kiswahili and Gikuyu and the cops arrived. 2004
5. Robbers came to my work place and I ended up in hospital. Ryan and I turned me into hospital. 2006
6. I told Ryan to take me to the police station and the police decided I was ill enough to go to the hospital. 2006
With robbery, I was finally seen by somebody at the cop station and when I could take it anymore, my husband and I went to the hospital where I had to have a not saying I was fit to work before I could resume work.
The whole saga has been kept in the dark and I have learned this is not the way to go because is in dark only causes more darkness and fear. Below is my husband's effort to get me help.
Thursday, January 26, 2006
Regarding ...
Dear Dr. Stovell,
While you were away, ...was robbed at the store she works at. Three men with clubs came in wearing masks. Nobody got hurt, but ... was very disturbed by the event.
... seemed ok at first, but she could not sleep. After about 3 days of not sleeping things grew worse. She began showing signs of mania.
I started giving her a does(sic) of seroquel in the morning and at night, it had no real effect. ... and I decided to go to the hospital as we could not get a hold of you. They gave us sleeping pills that also had no effect. After trying the sleeping pills for 2 nights we went back to the hospital.
... admitted herself to EMI [Eric Martin Institute], first in the ward 4a, but within 2 days was moved to PIC [Psychiatric Intensive Care]. I am having trouble getting answer from them, every time I visit she has an entirely new staff watching over her, nobody seems to spend any time with her. Her doctor is rarely around.
I asked for a day pass to take ... out to see you and they declined saying she was not fit to leave. I feel that you now(sic) ...'s personal history better than these doctors and nurses. I know that ... will respond to you much better than she is with the strangers.
For example when they tried to give her olanzapine she argued said 'Dr. Stovell doesn't want me to take that'. They forced to with an injection.
She has asked me to contact you and arrange for you to visit her.
Both ... and I have respect and confidence in your abilities and your concern for .... We do not share the same feelings about the hospital staff. They seemed understaffed, and for them is just business of usual. They do not know her personally and if they do they are replaced by another nurse with a day or so.
I can be contacted at ***-****. ... is currently on the 3rd floor of Eric Martin, in the lock down area.
Her recovery seems slow, please do .what you can to help her.
Sincerely,
Ryan.
Why am I writing all this? Because I feel that the nervous energy comments are meant to make me feel small. If I really have a nervous energy and it is affecting other people, then I need treatment. My Beloved's job provides counselling. I am positive Ted will give me days off for it. Mr. Green
...
Posted: Thu Feb 11, 2010 3:33 pm I have been told...
I have been told that I have nervous energy. I have read that is it not a bad thing. I had nervous energy while I was waiting for immigration results and that nervous energy ended when I shouted "OMG!" at the immigration office in Victoria on January 12, 10 in front of my Beloved the Officer Lori Wilson..
Before my papers, I was nervous working here and I did it. And the same person had stated maybe twice before that I had nervous energy. I had to go home and think hard about it and around June I started to go to the gym to defeat this nervous energy before it defeated me. I started taking omega three, I am now up to two extra strength cookies in the evening. I am calm, cool and collected. More than I have ever been anyway. Ever in my life. I am not sorting anything out, I am not guilty, so I don't understand this.
Yesterday I was asked to go home and relax. This was an hour after eating 2 extra strength cookies with yogurt. Then I was told I had nervous energy in person and on the phone. I decided to read up on this because I was now starting to get nervous ... If the person is nervous, I wll pick up on it and then they point at my nervousness which I got from them.
I realized that one can have nervous energy because of good things. My life just started afresh with no blemish. Of course I am excited and if I really showed my joy, it would be extraordinary. I have reduced the nervous energy that was bad and if need be, I will see my shrink to see how to channel the good energy.
I read this as well, "We're nervous, excited, frightened, anxious, all in a jumble of emotions. And that can, and usually does, create nervous energy. In turn, nervous energy, if not under some kind of control, can make you come across as jittery, unstable and can cause you to be inarticulate because your body and brain are trying to cope with all the extra adrenaline coursing through your veins.
Most people think nervous energy is bad and wish they could do something to stop it. We think just the opposite – that nervous energy is a good thing and the best way to manage it is to acknowledge that you have it instead of wishing it would go away. "
Everybody thinks I am calm other than this person who I look up to and if it means a doctor's note saying that I have controlled or no nervous energy, then a doctor's note it will be. Mr. Green
...
Before my papers, I was nervous working here and I did it. And the same person had stated maybe twice before that I had nervous energy. I had to go home and think hard about it and around June I started to go to the gym to defeat this nervous energy before it defeated me. I started taking omega three, I am now up to two extra strength cookies in the evening. I am calm, cool and collected. More than I have ever been anyway. Ever in my life. I am not sorting anything out, I am not guilty, so I don't understand this.
Yesterday I was asked to go home and relax. This was an hour after eating 2 extra strength cookies with yogurt. Then I was told I had nervous energy in person and on the phone. I decided to read up on this because I was now starting to get nervous ... If the person is nervous, I wll pick up on it and then they point at my nervousness which I got from them.
I realized that one can have nervous energy because of good things. My life just started afresh with no blemish. Of course I am excited and if I really showed my joy, it would be extraordinary. I have reduced the nervous energy that was bad and if need be, I will see my shrink to see how to channel the good energy.
I read this as well, "We're nervous, excited, frightened, anxious, all in a jumble of emotions. And that can, and usually does, create nervous energy. In turn, nervous energy, if not under some kind of control, can make you come across as jittery, unstable and can cause you to be inarticulate because your body and brain are trying to cope with all the extra adrenaline coursing through your veins.
Most people think nervous energy is bad and wish they could do something to stop it. We think just the opposite – that nervous energy is a good thing and the best way to manage it is to acknowledge that you have it instead of wishing it would go away. "
Everybody thinks I am calm other than this person who I look up to and if it means a doctor's note saying that I have controlled or no nervous energy, then a doctor's note it will be. Mr. Green
...
Posted: Thu Feb 04, 2010 5:25 pm The cloud is lifting...
I just got back to the gym on Monday this week. I took 2 weeks off the gym to settle down and clean the home after landing. I needed to do load after load after load after load of laundry. I just kept doing laundry every chance I got until there was no laundry left. Mr. Green
It was easy because I did not have to scrub the clothes or fetch the water...
Stress can overpower a person. Now one can see my dresser. Previously, it was full of clothes. The floor was full of clothes. Not anymore. I bought twenty hangers from the dollar store and put everything in order. What a relief.
Now I am in the habit of making the bed each morning. This way the cats have a place to lay all day...
What else...we got a dishwasher for the home. Makes dish washing sooo much simpler and sanitary.
The home is clean and just needs maintenance...It was in mid July when I cleaned the oven, time to do that again, clean out the fridge, wash the cupboards inside out, clean the windows...I am busy not worrying and being productive..
I don`t have to wait until my permanent resident card arrives to apply for a permanent care card. I can use the confirmation of permanent residence piece of paper. I will get to that right away so that I can have a care card and have my blood work checked.
That care card is the best gift I have got from Canada beside my Beloved...and a new family and friends...above all, Canada gave me a new lease in life which was my desire. To live.
I am back to the gym as I said. Doing the stair master instead of the treadmill. Swimming and punching... Tomorrow will make it three visits to the gym this week. And on and on it will be...why not...The house is easy to clean, I have my two and a half days a week total here and plenty of time to play and get fitter.
I am in a good place...could get much better.
Meanwhile, use me, I am easy. Mr. Green
...
It was easy because I did not have to scrub the clothes or fetch the water...
Stress can overpower a person. Now one can see my dresser. Previously, it was full of clothes. The floor was full of clothes. Not anymore. I bought twenty hangers from the dollar store and put everything in order. What a relief.
Now I am in the habit of making the bed each morning. This way the cats have a place to lay all day...
What else...we got a dishwasher for the home. Makes dish washing sooo much simpler and sanitary.
The home is clean and just needs maintenance...It was in mid July when I cleaned the oven, time to do that again, clean out the fridge, wash the cupboards inside out, clean the windows...I am busy not worrying and being productive..
I don`t have to wait until my permanent resident card arrives to apply for a permanent care card. I can use the confirmation of permanent residence piece of paper. I will get to that right away so that I can have a care card and have my blood work checked.
That care card is the best gift I have got from Canada beside my Beloved...and a new family and friends...above all, Canada gave me a new lease in life which was my desire. To live.
I am back to the gym as I said. Doing the stair master instead of the treadmill. Swimming and punching... Tomorrow will make it three visits to the gym this week. And on and on it will be...why not...The house is easy to clean, I have my two and a half days a week total here and plenty of time to play and get fitter.
I am in a good place...could get much better.
Meanwhile, use me, I am easy. Mr. Green
...
Posted: Wed Jan 20, 2010 11:33 am Today marks the one-year anniversary for President Obama
I want to honour President Obama by posting the speech he made last year that I listen to often. It lifts me up. In part he says, "You cannot outlast us and we will defeat you...we are shaped by every language and culture, drawn from every part of this earth...the old hatreds shall someday pass...and America must play its roles in ushering a new era of peace...we will extend our hands if you are willing to unclench your fists...for the world has changed and we must change with it"
Congratulations President Obama.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PuHGKnboNY&feature=player_embedded
...
Congratulations President Obama.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PuHGKnboNY&feature=player_embedded
...
Posted: Wed Jan 20, 2010 10:50 am January 12 From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Events
* 475 – Basiliscus becomes Byzantine Emperor, with a coronation ceremony in the Hebdomon palace in Constantinople.
* 1528 – Gustav I of Sweden crowned king of Sweden.
* 1539 – Treaty of Toledo signed by King Francis I of France and Holy Roman Emperor Charles V.
* 1773 – The first public Colonial American museum opens in Charleston, South Carolina.
* 1777 – Mission Santa Clara de Asís is founded in what is now Santa Clara, California.
* 1808 – The organizational meeting that led to the creation of the Wernerian Natural History Society, a former Scottish learned society, is held in Edinburgh.
* 1848 – The Palermo rising takes place in Sicily against the Bourbon kingdom of the Two Sicilies.
* 1866 – The Royal Aeronautical Society is formed in London.
* 1872 – Yohannes IV is crowned Emperor of Ethiopia in Axum, the first imperial coronation in that city in over 200 years.
* 1875 – Kwang-su becomes emperor of China.
* 1895 – The National Trust is founded in the United Kingdom.
* 1898 – Ito Hirobumi begins his third term as Prime Minister of Japan.
* 1899 – 13 crew members and 5 apprentices are rescued off the coast of England by the Lynmouth Lifeboat.
* 1906 – Sir Henry Campbell-Bannerman's cabinet (which included amongst its members H. H. Asquith, David Lloyd George, and Winston Churchill) embarks on sweeping social reforms after a Liberal landslide in the British general election.
* 1908 – A long-distance radio message is sent from the Eiffel Tower for the first time.
* 1911 – The University of the Philippines College of Law is formally established; three future Philippine presidents are among the first enrollees.
* 1915 – The Rocky Mountain National Park is formed by an act of U.S. Congress.
* 1915 – The United States House of Representatives rejects a proposal to give women the right to vote.
* 1918 – Finland's "Mosaic Confessors" law went into effect, making Finnish Jews full citizens.
* 1932 – Hattie W. Caraway becomes the first woman elected to the United States Senate.
* 1942 – World War II: President Franklin Roosevelt creates the National War Labor Board.
* 1964 – Rebels in Zanzibar begin a revolt known as the Zanzibar Revolution and proclaim a republic.
* 1966 – Lyndon B. Johnson states that the United States should stay in South Vietnam until Communist aggression there is ended.
* 1967 – Dr. James Bedford becomes the first person to be cryonically preserved with intent of future resuscitation.
* 1969 – Super Bowl III: The New York Jets of the American Football League defeat the heavily favored Baltimore Colts of the National Football League 16–7.
* 1970 – Biafra capitulates, ending the Nigerian civil war.
* 1971 – The Harrisburg Seven: The Reverend Philip Berrigan and five others are indicted on charges of conspiring to kidnap Henry Kissinger and of plotting to blow up the heating tunnels of federal buildings in Washington, D.C.
* 1976 – The UN Security Council votes 11-1 to allow the Palestine Liberation Organization to participate in a Security Council debate (without voting rights).
* 1986 – Space Shuttle program: Congressman Bill Nelson lifts off from Kennedy Space Center aboard Columbia on mission STS-61C as a Mission Specialist.
* 1991 – Gulf War: An act of the U.S. Congress authorizes the use of military force to drive Iraq out of Kuwait.
* 1992 – A new constitution, providing for freedom to form political parties, is approved by a referendum in Mali.
* 1995 – Malcolm X's daughter, Qubilah Shabazz, is arrested for conspiring to kill Louis Farrakhan.
* 1998 – Nineteen European nations agree to forbid human cloning.
* 2004 – The world's largest ocean liner, RMS Queen Mary 2, makes its maiden voyage.
* 2005 – Deep Impact launches from Cape Canaveral on a Delta 2 rocket.
* 2006 – A stampede during the Stoning the Devil ritual on the last day at the Hajj in Mina, Saudi Arabia, kills at least 362 Muslim pilgrims.
* 2006 – Turkey releases Mehmet Ali Ağca from jail after he served 25 years for shooting Pope John Paul II.
* 2006 – The French warship Clemenceau reaches Egypt and is barred access to the Suez Canal. Greenpeace activists board the ship.
* 2007 – Comet McNaught reaches perihelion becoming the brightest comet in more than 40 years.
* 2010 – The 2010 Haiti earthquake occurs killing thousands and destroying the majority of the capital Port-au-Prince.
* 2010 - KB is granted Permanent Residence in Canada.
* 475 – Basiliscus becomes Byzantine Emperor, with a coronation ceremony in the Hebdomon palace in Constantinople.
* 1528 – Gustav I of Sweden crowned king of Sweden.
* 1539 – Treaty of Toledo signed by King Francis I of France and Holy Roman Emperor Charles V.
* 1773 – The first public Colonial American museum opens in Charleston, South Carolina.
* 1777 – Mission Santa Clara de Asís is founded in what is now Santa Clara, California.
* 1808 – The organizational meeting that led to the creation of the Wernerian Natural History Society, a former Scottish learned society, is held in Edinburgh.
* 1848 – The Palermo rising takes place in Sicily against the Bourbon kingdom of the Two Sicilies.
* 1866 – The Royal Aeronautical Society is formed in London.
* 1872 – Yohannes IV is crowned Emperor of Ethiopia in Axum, the first imperial coronation in that city in over 200 years.
* 1875 – Kwang-su becomes emperor of China.
* 1895 – The National Trust is founded in the United Kingdom.
* 1898 – Ito Hirobumi begins his third term as Prime Minister of Japan.
* 1899 – 13 crew members and 5 apprentices are rescued off the coast of England by the Lynmouth Lifeboat.
* 1906 – Sir Henry Campbell-Bannerman's cabinet (which included amongst its members H. H. Asquith, David Lloyd George, and Winston Churchill) embarks on sweeping social reforms after a Liberal landslide in the British general election.
* 1908 – A long-distance radio message is sent from the Eiffel Tower for the first time.
* 1911 – The University of the Philippines College of Law is formally established; three future Philippine presidents are among the first enrollees.
* 1915 – The Rocky Mountain National Park is formed by an act of U.S. Congress.
* 1915 – The United States House of Representatives rejects a proposal to give women the right to vote.
* 1918 – Finland's "Mosaic Confessors" law went into effect, making Finnish Jews full citizens.
* 1932 – Hattie W. Caraway becomes the first woman elected to the United States Senate.
* 1942 – World War II: President Franklin Roosevelt creates the National War Labor Board.
* 1964 – Rebels in Zanzibar begin a revolt known as the Zanzibar Revolution and proclaim a republic.
* 1966 – Lyndon B. Johnson states that the United States should stay in South Vietnam until Communist aggression there is ended.
* 1967 – Dr. James Bedford becomes the first person to be cryonically preserved with intent of future resuscitation.
* 1969 – Super Bowl III: The New York Jets of the American Football League defeat the heavily favored Baltimore Colts of the National Football League 16–7.
* 1970 – Biafra capitulates, ending the Nigerian civil war.
* 1971 – The Harrisburg Seven: The Reverend Philip Berrigan and five others are indicted on charges of conspiring to kidnap Henry Kissinger and of plotting to blow up the heating tunnels of federal buildings in Washington, D.C.
* 1976 – The UN Security Council votes 11-1 to allow the Palestine Liberation Organization to participate in a Security Council debate (without voting rights).
* 1986 – Space Shuttle program: Congressman Bill Nelson lifts off from Kennedy Space Center aboard Columbia on mission STS-61C as a Mission Specialist.
* 1991 – Gulf War: An act of the U.S. Congress authorizes the use of military force to drive Iraq out of Kuwait.
* 1992 – A new constitution, providing for freedom to form political parties, is approved by a referendum in Mali.
* 1995 – Malcolm X's daughter, Qubilah Shabazz, is arrested for conspiring to kill Louis Farrakhan.
* 1998 – Nineteen European nations agree to forbid human cloning.
* 2004 – The world's largest ocean liner, RMS Queen Mary 2, makes its maiden voyage.
* 2005 – Deep Impact launches from Cape Canaveral on a Delta 2 rocket.
* 2006 – A stampede during the Stoning the Devil ritual on the last day at the Hajj in Mina, Saudi Arabia, kills at least 362 Muslim pilgrims.
* 2006 – Turkey releases Mehmet Ali Ağca from jail after he served 25 years for shooting Pope John Paul II.
* 2006 – The French warship Clemenceau reaches Egypt and is barred access to the Suez Canal. Greenpeace activists board the ship.
* 2007 – Comet McNaught reaches perihelion becoming the brightest comet in more than 40 years.
* 2010 – The 2010 Haiti earthquake occurs killing thousands and destroying the majority of the capital Port-au-Prince.
* 2010 - KB is granted Permanent Residence in Canada.
Posted: Tue Jan 19, 2010 8:59 pm The PEER support at the club is awesome...
Has always been. I could have lost my job to mental health 2006, Great boss, I didn't. Yeah that was 4 years ago, the doctor has said I am stable for years, years...
Wow, I am home early.
Better eat something...
Front desk keeps one focused and then multi focused...don't I know it...
I support and I am supported...As I am supported, I support...we are not your typical pot shop. Or are we? Mr. Green
It's cool
...
Wow, I am home early.
Better eat something...
Front desk keeps one focused and then multi focused...don't I know it...
I support and I am supported...As I am supported, I support...we are not your typical pot shop. Or are we? Mr. Green
It's cool
...
Posted: Fri Jan 08, 2010 11:17 am The world is changing soo fast men and women!
I never thought I would go into the USA because of my AIDS. My grandmother's brother lives there with his wife, my best friend on line lives there, people I grew up with...everything is changing so fast I hope I can keep up. Thanks President Obama...I know the little village that your father came from. Erokamano...
Finally, there is hope for us miserable non-sinners. lol
You the man President Obama. You have really helped my case no matter what the outcome. For that I thank you...
...
http://www.cbc.ca/health/story/2010/01/04/hiv-aids-travel-ban.html
HIV travel ban lifted in U.S.
Last Updated: Monday, January 4, 2010 | 6:25 PM ET
CBC News
Canadians with HIV/AIDS were allowed to visit the United States starting Monday, after the U.S. lifted its 22-year ban against foreigners infected with the virus.
Since 1987, the ban has restricted people with HIV from moving to or visiting the U.S.
When the ban was adopted, little was known about how HIV was transmitted, and some U.S. politicians believed they could stop the virus from spreading in their country by keeping foreigners with AIDS out of the country.
On Monday, a Surrey, B.C., man became one of the first Canadians with HIV to cross the border since the White House repealed the ban.
AIDS activist Martin Rooney said he was harassed and turned away the last time he tried to enter two years ago to buy a turkey in Blaine, Wash.
"I was hauled in because I had to admit that I was HIV positive, and I was basically interrogated, accused of entering the U.S. illegally, fingerprinted, photographed and run through the FBI most wanted list and sent home," Rooney recalled.
This time, Rooney was let into Washington state after a quick car search. Choking back tears, he said he was looking forward to seeing friends in the U.S.
AIDS activists believe thousands of people like Rooney were turned away at the border over the past decade.
Washington, D.C., will be host to the 2012 International AIDS Conference — an event made possible with the removal of the ban, the administration of President Barack Obama said Monday.
An estimated 65,000 Canadians were HIV positive in 2008, according to the Public Health Agency of Canada.
Finally, there is hope for us miserable non-sinners. lol
You the man President Obama. You have really helped my case no matter what the outcome. For that I thank you...
...
http://www.cbc.ca/health/story/2010/01/04/hiv-aids-travel-ban.html
HIV travel ban lifted in U.S.
Last Updated: Monday, January 4, 2010 | 6:25 PM ET
CBC News
Canadians with HIV/AIDS were allowed to visit the United States starting Monday, after the U.S. lifted its 22-year ban against foreigners infected with the virus.
Since 1987, the ban has restricted people with HIV from moving to or visiting the U.S.
When the ban was adopted, little was known about how HIV was transmitted, and some U.S. politicians believed they could stop the virus from spreading in their country by keeping foreigners with AIDS out of the country.
On Monday, a Surrey, B.C., man became one of the first Canadians with HIV to cross the border since the White House repealed the ban.
AIDS activist Martin Rooney said he was harassed and turned away the last time he tried to enter two years ago to buy a turkey in Blaine, Wash.
"I was hauled in because I had to admit that I was HIV positive, and I was basically interrogated, accused of entering the U.S. illegally, fingerprinted, photographed and run through the FBI most wanted list and sent home," Rooney recalled.
This time, Rooney was let into Washington state after a quick car search. Choking back tears, he said he was looking forward to seeing friends in the U.S.
AIDS activists believe thousands of people like Rooney were turned away at the border over the past decade.
Washington, D.C., will be host to the 2012 International AIDS Conference — an event made possible with the removal of the ban, the administration of President Barack Obama said Monday.
An estimated 65,000 Canadians were HIV positive in 2008, according to the Public Health Agency of Canada.
Posted: Mon Jan 04, 2010 8:20 pm A different affirmation...
Tokes,
Thanks for the compliments. I am glad to hear that you have a cat as well. This is our second cat. We needed some new energy around the home. Cannot wait to see a photo of you and the cat...j/k kidding about you being on the photo. Would be great.
You always say "what can one do" as though you have reached the end of your rope. Let go and see you won't fall...my other friend in Texas he likes to say, "it is always something" We are what we think.
When immigration Canada was deporting me in 1998, it seemed like the end and it wasn't...my first action after I was released was to join a core training at the AIDS Vancouver Island. I never looked back. Did not know for how long I would be in Canada and I finished the course and started teaching. It has been 11 years almost 12 years of making a difference as a volunteer.
As for the nine years at the club, what can say? This is my second home. I take my meds here and I interact with people here. I went looking for the club as a member and I am #26 but the club actually picked me to serve it. And so I do. With a smile Mr. Green
If I had said "it is always something" or "what can one do?" I cannot even imagine where I could be. Seriously.
How about something different...like "I am getting out of the dungeon" "And I am pulling my brothers and sisters out with me..." "I am fed up..." something different.
I have to get going.
All the best
...
Thanks for the compliments. I am glad to hear that you have a cat as well. This is our second cat. We needed some new energy around the home. Cannot wait to see a photo of you and the cat...j/k kidding about you being on the photo. Would be great.
You always say "what can one do" as though you have reached the end of your rope. Let go and see you won't fall...my other friend in Texas he likes to say, "it is always something" We are what we think.
When immigration Canada was deporting me in 1998, it seemed like the end and it wasn't...my first action after I was released was to join a core training at the AIDS Vancouver Island. I never looked back. Did not know for how long I would be in Canada and I finished the course and started teaching. It has been 11 years almost 12 years of making a difference as a volunteer.
As for the nine years at the club, what can say? This is my second home. I take my meds here and I interact with people here. I went looking for the club as a member and I am #26 but the club actually picked me to serve it. And so I do. With a smile Mr. Green
If I had said "it is always something" or "what can one do?" I cannot even imagine where I could be. Seriously.
How about something different...like "I am getting out of the dungeon" "And I am pulling my brothers and sisters out with me..." "I am fed up..." something different.
I have to get going.
All the best
...
Posted: Sat Dec 26, 2009 4:09 pm HOT Boxing day...
This is a photo taken right before Christmas.
I felt well dressed that day (Whatever, the hat did it for me), and my cat and I are really getting a long.
Happy HOT Boxing day
...
Only in Canada! Mr. Green
I felt well dressed that day (Whatever, the hat did it for me), and my cat and I are really getting a long.
Happy HOT Boxing day
...
Only in Canada! Mr. Green
Posted: Mon Dec 21, 2009 2:59 pm Look what my Beloved Husband got me for Christmas...
And I am elated!
My heart is beating again...Her name is Muthoni, eight weeks old.
Always
...
My heart is beating again...Her name is Muthoni, eight weeks old.
Always
...
Posted: Tue Dec 15, 2009 2:57 pm Two root canals today.
Here I go again about my teeth. I had two root canals today and I think what hurt the most was the cost. I paid a total of $1148.90. This is what the dentist did:-
How is a root canal treatment done?
1. The dentist gave me a local anesthetic (freezing).
2. To protect my teeth from bacteria in my saliva during the treatment, the dentist placed a rubber dam around the tooth being treated.
3. The dentist made an opening in the tooth to reach the root canal system and the damaged pulp.
4. Using very fine dental instruments, the dentist removed the pulp by cleaning and enlarging the root canal system.
5. After the canal had been cleaned, the dentist filled and sealed the canal.
6. The opening of the tooth was then sealed with either a temporary or permanent filling.
Two hours later, I was able to walk to Crystal pool to get my bus pass which I had left at the front desk. For working and getting off disability, these are our last bus passes. We are still disabled but cannot access the disability bus pass and surely cannot afford the almost $80 monthly pass. The disability one was great as it cost $45 a year...I am sure we will survive. I can walk to the gym no problems. Took me twenty minutes to walk back from the gym to the loft. Maybe I should run there and back like Foxx Mr. Green
We walk everywhere anyways...
My Beloved's job will pay 80% of the dentist's fee, and the rest is between me and my club benefits. That is two more teeth I would have had to loose. By this time, without treatment I would have had all front teeth out or pain and decay. It amazing what being away from the government system can do. I know that social services do not cover root canals. For that matter I lost a tooth here in Canada, two in Kenya.
Many times I wonder who I am...it is all about self worth and more and more people in Canada are feeling small for lack of teeth. Lord have mercy.
There but by the grace of God goes I - toothless.
Cheers.
...
How is a root canal treatment done?
1. The dentist gave me a local anesthetic (freezing).
2. To protect my teeth from bacteria in my saliva during the treatment, the dentist placed a rubber dam around the tooth being treated.
3. The dentist made an opening in the tooth to reach the root canal system and the damaged pulp.
4. Using very fine dental instruments, the dentist removed the pulp by cleaning and enlarging the root canal system.
5. After the canal had been cleaned, the dentist filled and sealed the canal.
6. The opening of the tooth was then sealed with either a temporary or permanent filling.
Two hours later, I was able to walk to Crystal pool to get my bus pass which I had left at the front desk. For working and getting off disability, these are our last bus passes. We are still disabled but cannot access the disability bus pass and surely cannot afford the almost $80 monthly pass. The disability one was great as it cost $45 a year...I am sure we will survive. I can walk to the gym no problems. Took me twenty minutes to walk back from the gym to the loft. Maybe I should run there and back like Foxx Mr. Green
We walk everywhere anyways...
My Beloved's job will pay 80% of the dentist's fee, and the rest is between me and my club benefits. That is two more teeth I would have had to loose. By this time, without treatment I would have had all front teeth out or pain and decay. It amazing what being away from the government system can do. I know that social services do not cover root canals. For that matter I lost a tooth here in Canada, two in Kenya.
Many times I wonder who I am...it is all about self worth and more and more people in Canada are feeling small for lack of teeth. Lord have mercy.
There but by the grace of God goes I - toothless.
Cheers.
...
Posted: Mon Dec 14, 2009 8:17 pm Hey
Hey,
I had to shave my head on December 7, 09 as in December 7, 89, my daughter entered my belly. Twenty years ago...yeah, I so had to cut my hair because I had to. No two ways about it. That and it cost me $800 a year to maintain it. I wanted freshness without losing my mind. I wanted something dramatic without upsetting other people. I am learning. Yeah, I had stuff to shed off.
Yeah I get meds and I have no idea how. Mother Nature looking out for me. And that is why I do service.
That $800 I spent on hair last year could have gone to help my parents or gone into an account for when I have to go to Kenya, willingly or not.
Argrrrrrrrrr...
I am feeling better and back to the gym. Mr. Green
Cheers.
...
I had to shave my head on December 7, 09 as in December 7, 89, my daughter entered my belly. Twenty years ago...yeah, I so had to cut my hair because I had to. No two ways about it. That and it cost me $800 a year to maintain it. I wanted freshness without losing my mind. I wanted something dramatic without upsetting other people. I am learning. Yeah, I had stuff to shed off.
Yeah I get meds and I have no idea how. Mother Nature looking out for me. And that is why I do service.
That $800 I spent on hair last year could have gone to help my parents or gone into an account for when I have to go to Kenya, willingly or not.
Argrrrrrrrrr...
I am feeling better and back to the gym. Mr. Green
Cheers.
...
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Posted: Tue Dec 08, 2009 4:49 pm Tokes
Hey,
I am very well. About the carecard, I just pretend I live in Kenya...I can at least get the meds somehow thank God.
Yes all seems well.
This is the write up that goes with the hairstyle...
Revealing the childhood scars.
20 years ago yesterday I conceived my daughter. I also came to realize that my hair was costing an arm and a leg to maintain. I realized too that the hair was holding me back during swimming as I did not want the chlorine water on my hair. Also, I want to have a taste of what it would feel like if I lost my hair to AIDS. And I wanted to get over you in a dramatic manner. Yes you my obsession of 22 years! And YOU that won't leave me alone. Yes, you! I needed a rebirth.
My favourite...
I am very well. About the carecard, I just pretend I live in Kenya...I can at least get the meds somehow thank God.
Yes all seems well.
This is the write up that goes with the hairstyle...
Revealing the childhood scars.
20 years ago yesterday I conceived my daughter. I also came to realize that my hair was costing an arm and a leg to maintain. I realized too that the hair was holding me back during swimming as I did not want the chlorine water on my hair. Also, I want to have a taste of what it would feel like if I lost my hair to AIDS. And I wanted to get over you in a dramatic manner. Yes you my obsession of 22 years! And YOU that won't leave me alone. Yes, you! I needed a rebirth.
My favourite...
Posted: Thu Dec 03, 2009 2:34 pm Mild cough...
I don't remember when I was last sick with a cold or a flu. Seriously...I don't think I got sick last year at all. Thanks be to ALL...This year, it started with what I thought was a pimple. I burst it open and what a nuisance the sore was. My lip was swollen for about a week. It was not a pretty sight and I was on holidays in Kamloops. I was very self conscious. After five days of visiting in Kamloops, the sore disappeared here in Victoria.
I continued to do my Hydrogen peroxide drops, vitamin D, oil of oregano and Omega 3 liquid oil. On Tuesday, I started coughing mildly. By yesterday, it was obvious I had a cough. I doubled my treatment and rested. I managed to do a 30 minute treadmill run in the evening and today I feel so much better. I am still coughing but it is not ridiculous.
My lesson is that if I take care of myself, when I do get sick, it will not hit me as much as if I was not taking care of myself. I knew I needed to rest and so I did and today I can jog from here to home. At least I can try.
Yeah, The British Columbia People with AIDS society (BCPWAs) are paying for my gym...imagine that...Mr. Green
The city of Victoria started me on the LIFE program for this year, 52 slots. I was done those slots by October. I would not qualify for the LIFE program as am independent of social services. Beginning of November, BCPWA paid for the gym. When I went to pay yesterday so that BCPWAs, can refund me, front desk there was saying that I had 11 slots left from the LIFE program. I told the lady that nobody told me that when I paid last month and I said I had come to pay on a specific date for which I must send to BCPWAs. They ended up giving me some complimentary passes.
If you are out there and could use a day pass, I have about 8 of them.
I really observe people working at front desks just to compare. I told the lady at the front desk at the gym that they have too many people giving different answers to the same question. Very frustrating. Because somebody should have noticed when I paid in November that I had 11 free slots. I let go the 11 slots and kept my records straight with BCPWAs. I told the lady there was obviously poor communication at the front desk. She replied that they have been having many new workers at the front. Oh well...just goes to show how well organized things are at the club.
Still no care card therefore no laboratory results to report.
I will survive...
Cheers!
....
peace
Richard
I continued to do my Hydrogen peroxide drops, vitamin D, oil of oregano and Omega 3 liquid oil. On Tuesday, I started coughing mildly. By yesterday, it was obvious I had a cough. I doubled my treatment and rested. I managed to do a 30 minute treadmill run in the evening and today I feel so much better. I am still coughing but it is not ridiculous.
My lesson is that if I take care of myself, when I do get sick, it will not hit me as much as if I was not taking care of myself. I knew I needed to rest and so I did and today I can jog from here to home. At least I can try.
Yeah, The British Columbia People with AIDS society (BCPWAs) are paying for my gym...imagine that...Mr. Green
The city of Victoria started me on the LIFE program for this year, 52 slots. I was done those slots by October. I would not qualify for the LIFE program as am independent of social services. Beginning of November, BCPWA paid for the gym. When I went to pay yesterday so that BCPWAs, can refund me, front desk there was saying that I had 11 slots left from the LIFE program. I told the lady that nobody told me that when I paid last month and I said I had come to pay on a specific date for which I must send to BCPWAs. They ended up giving me some complimentary passes.
If you are out there and could use a day pass, I have about 8 of them.
I really observe people working at front desks just to compare. I told the lady at the front desk at the gym that they have too many people giving different answers to the same question. Very frustrating. Because somebody should have noticed when I paid in November that I had 11 free slots. I let go the 11 slots and kept my records straight with BCPWAs. I told the lady there was obviously poor communication at the front desk. She replied that they have been having many new workers at the front. Oh well...just goes to show how well organized things are at the club.
Still no care card therefore no laboratory results to report.
I will survive...
Cheers!
....
Hey there how are u?
that's awful still no care card therefore u still cant get blood work done to see where u sit with your blood counts it must be nerve racking wondering if u are up or down or staying the same what a system we have the lest they could do is allow u the basics of blood work to make sure u are doing ok they the BC health system should be ashamed of themselves i really don't care if your from here or not u should as sick as u are get basic health care at the very least till they sort out whats wrong with your situation and i have said that many times to them when i dint being form Canada have coverage at least give me basics so i can get meds for F*&K sake but i know the fight u are in they just don't care i hope they soon give u something glad to see all is well u at least for the moment u take care and see u soon
peace
Richard
Posted: Tue Dec 01, 2009 10:30 am WORLD AIDS DAY!
"Education, awareness and prevention are the key, but stigmatisation and exclusion from family is what makes people suffer most"
-- Ralph Fiennes
.... Glad I have family that has chosen me and loved me unconditionally...the club! Since 1997...what would I have done? Died...of mental break downs and sh!t...killed myself even...
Matt came back to Victoria after burying his grandmother because he loves the people he works with. Imagine that. He could have started a whole new life surrounded by his birth family but he chose to come back here...that moved me...and that is the reason I have hang around.
Yeah!
-- Ralph Fiennes
.... Glad I have family that has chosen me and loved me unconditionally...the club! Since 1997...what would I have done? Died...of mental break downs and sh!t...killed myself even...
Matt came back to Victoria after burying his grandmother because he loves the people he works with. Imagine that. He could have started a whole new life surrounded by his birth family but he chose to come back here...that moved me...and that is the reason I have hang around.
Yeah!
Posted: Thu Nov 19, 2009 6:34 pm I gotta staple :)
This is the kind of writing that I give a title later.
We'll see what it will be. Here we go...Actually I gotta do some stapling of our quarterly newsletter which will soon be a newspaper...
Sorry about that. You read me L8R.
Here comes the title as you just read it.
...
Mr. Green
We'll see what it will be. Here we go...Actually I gotta do some stapling of our quarterly newsletter which will soon be a newspaper...
Sorry about that. You read me L8R.
Here comes the title as you just read it.
...
Mr. Green
Posted: Tue Nov 10, 2009 8:20 pm Scrub, scrub, scrub...
Quite the read kristen.wscr. I have had PCP and TB that is why I am a person living with AIDS.
I should have died. One of the reasons I am still here is that my cells know not to give up...I am only catching on. The other reason is that an acquaintance in Kenya, Hussein, took me to the doctor and paid. Otherwise I was kaput...
The body is very strong and can with hold so much and it needs fuel. Good fuel...tit for tat, fair game. Feed the body, the body hold me up...
It is all very interesting.
Yesterday at the gym a lady asked me where I was from and I told her Kenya. She said that she would not have guessed that because I look very calm...Later on I thought, wow, somebody has noticed that I am calm. Much credit goes to the extra strength cookies that I keep eating mainly on the weekends...I space them out but I eat them a lot...anyway, a stranger said I was calm. All the effort put by me and others to keep me well is paying off.
Did you know I only started washing my hands at age 39? Yeah. Partly because we had no excess water where I grew up and partly because I just was not the hand washing kind of a person. As I learned how disease spread, I am going to f@cking wash my hands. So much to gain, so little to lose.
For those in shock, tell me how many times you wash your hands while camping...life in Kenya is a camp all life round. For the most of the population anyway. So I grew up where washing my hands was not a habit.
I am really glad I changed my ways because not only have I not caught a flu since (knock on wood), I feel cleaner. Less of a hypocrite.
In Canada where a sink and soap and towel are provided, I only washed my hands if there were other people around the sink area. Like the library and such. Then I asked myself, who am I putting a show for? I repeated to myself, "to thy own self be true..." and I started washing my hands.
It is the flu season after all.
Reformed...
I should have died. One of the reasons I am still here is that my cells know not to give up...I am only catching on. The other reason is that an acquaintance in Kenya, Hussein, took me to the doctor and paid. Otherwise I was kaput...
The body is very strong and can with hold so much and it needs fuel. Good fuel...tit for tat, fair game. Feed the body, the body hold me up...
It is all very interesting.
Yesterday at the gym a lady asked me where I was from and I told her Kenya. She said that she would not have guessed that because I look very calm...Later on I thought, wow, somebody has noticed that I am calm. Much credit goes to the extra strength cookies that I keep eating mainly on the weekends...I space them out but I eat them a lot...anyway, a stranger said I was calm. All the effort put by me and others to keep me well is paying off.
Did you know I only started washing my hands at age 39? Yeah. Partly because we had no excess water where I grew up and partly because I just was not the hand washing kind of a person. As I learned how disease spread, I am going to f@cking wash my hands. So much to gain, so little to lose.
For those in shock, tell me how many times you wash your hands while camping...life in Kenya is a camp all life round. For the most of the population anyway. So I grew up where washing my hands was not a habit.
I am really glad I changed my ways because not only have I not caught a flu since (knock on wood), I feel cleaner. Less of a hypocrite.
In Canada where a sink and soap and towel are provided, I only washed my hands if there were other people around the sink area. Like the library and such. Then I asked myself, who am I putting a show for? I repeated to myself, "to thy own self be true..." and I started washing my hands.
It is the flu season after all.
Reformed...
Fri Nov 06, 2009 5:15 pm Old article from HIgh Times
I found this old article on the web. It is from 1994 about the first Buyers' clubs and HIV/AIDS and marijuana. SUper Old School...
http://www.marijuanalibrary.org/aids.html
Marijuana And AIDS
By Peter Gorman
High Times, December 1994
There are now 30 diseases listed under the condition known as Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome, AIDS. Most AIDS sufferers will contract several of these 30 during the course of their illness before finally succumbing to one of them. The traditional medications used in both their treatment and as prophylaxis - or prevention - cause a wide range of side effects, including loss of appetite, nausea, headaches, depression, pain, disorientation and fevers. Virtually the only medicine capable of treating the entire spectrum of side effects without causing harm to the user is marijuana. Naturally, it remains illegal.
Jim Barnes was 38 years old when High Times first contacted him in the fall of 1993. The Michigan resident had tested positive for the Human Immunodeficiency Virus, HIV, in 1986. In 1987 he began a regimen that included AZT treatment, an antiretroviral therapy thought to stave off the onset of AIDS-related diseases. But the therapy's side effects included disorientation and nausea and caused pain throughout his body; he quickly switched to another antiviral therapy, an experimental drug then called ddI. According to Barnes, the ddI seemed to help for about a year, but its side effects were also difficult: he found it incredibly speedy and it caused him to fly into emotional rages. He used marijuana to calm himself, and finally quit antiviral therapy altogether in 1988.
By 1989 he became ill and was diagnosed with AIDS. "I'd come down with an intestinal disorder that caused uncontrollable diarrhea and simultaneously made me throw up everything I ate," Barnes explained. "I began to lose a lot of weight. I dropped 36 pounds, from 150 to 114, within a month."
At the time he first exhibited symptoms, Barnes was an innkeeper at a bed-and-breakfast, a program counselor at an adult foster-care home, a coordinator for a leisure activity for handicapped people and a yoga instructor. Shortly after he became ill he gave up most of his work. And most of his income.
"I couldn't afford to buy marijuana anymore, but since I knew that it helped me both with my nausea and in regulating my weight - as well as eliminating the incredible headaches I used to get from my medications - I presented my doctor with the idea of getting me federal pot." While Barnes' physician was afraid of the possible ramifications of applying to the federal government for marijuana, he did open the door to him meeting a second doctor who agreed to fill out the necessary paperwork. In 1990, Robert Randall - the Washington glaucoma sufferer who was the first person to receive medical marijuana from the federal government - helped Barnes apply to the Food and Drug Administration for the Compassionate Investigation New Drug (IND) program.
Jim Barnes (R) with his partner, Gilbert Hansen, in 1993
Five months later his application was approved. He was given an IND number and told that his marijuana would be arriving any day. But the marijuana never arrived. The Drug Enforcement Administration, which has to approve federal marijuana shipments, refused to recognize Barnes' case. A year later, Barnes was notified that the IND program was under review by the Bush Administration, and several months after that, the program was terminated. Barnes, one of 34 patients who were approved for the IND program but denied access to federal marijuana, continued to buy from the street when he could. But eventually his funds ran out. He starved to death on July 18, 1994 - a victim of the AIDS "wasting syndrome."
"I'm bitter about it," says Barnes' surviving partner, Gilbert Hansen, himself HIV-negative. "He was down to 87 pounds when he died. He couldn't eat. Nausea . . . well, you know that story. When he had regular marijuana, we got him up to 156 pounds at one point. But he had no marijuana available at the end. Anything we could have gotten for him we simply couldn't afford. So he, thanks to the government, actually died of starvation. If you can imagine a five-foot eight-inch skeleton, that was Jim at the end."
WHAT IS A.I.D.S.?
The AIDS epidemic is unquestionably one of the great tragedies of the late 20th century. In the USA alone, it has struck 340,000 people since 1981, and nearly 205,000 have died. According to the federal Centers for Disease Control (CDC), it is now the number-one killer of black men between the ages of 25 and 44, and near the top of the list for all men in that age range. It is the fourth-leading cause of death of women of the same age.
Still, for all the press that has been devoted to it during the past several years, many of us still don't really know what AIDS is. In simplest terms, AIDS is an umbrella name given to 30 separate conditions when they occur in someone who has tested positive for HIV. These are mostly "opportunistic infections" that prey on weakened immune systems. In the USA, the leading AIDS killers include pneumocystis carinii pneumonia (PCP), tuberculosis, Kaposi's sarcoma (a form of cancer) and a microbial infection called MAC.
A person is defined as HIV-positive when a blood test indicates the presence of antibodies for HIV, one of a number of generally innocuous viruses called retroviruses. The CDC estimates that there are currently over one million people in the USA who are HIV-positive. Once thought to be limited to intravenous drug users and fast-track gay men, it is increasingly present in the heterosexual population as well. Additionally, it is estimated that as many as 75% of all hemophiliacs over the age of 10 are HIV-positive, the result of receiving tainted blood products prior to the advent of routine screening for HIV.
A diagnosis of HIV+ changes to a diagnosis of AIDS when a patient either contracts one of the 30 AIDS diseases or when his or her T-cell count - representing the number of healthy immune cells the patient has - falls below 200 (normal range is 800-1200). While most people believe that testing HIV-positive is a death sentence, the CDC estimates that a healthy person testing HIV positive can anticipate a life span of 10-plus years. And even that is changing. Many people have already reached that mark and have not yet exhibited any symptoms of AIDS. Complicating current thinking is the fact that a number of deaths from conditions diagnosed as AIDS have occurred in people who are HIV-negative, a syndrome commonly called "HIV-negative AIDS."
The politics surrounding the epidemic are as perplexing as the epidemic itself. For years the USA had a president, Ronald Reagan, who would not even say the word AIDS, much less commit sufficient funding for research on it. On the other hand, the private sector worked furiously to find a cure, and by the time the government could no longer avoid the topic, the pharmaceutical company Burroughs-Wellcome had developed the antiretroviral drug AZT. Initially thought to be a sort of magic bullet, it was recommended to nearly everyone who was HIV-positive, whether or not they were exhibiting symptoms. Unfortunately, AZT's side effects include wreaking havoc on the immune system, constant nausea, body aches, depression and, in some people, an inability to keep food down. More recent drugs in the same class - ddI, developed by the Bristol-Myers Squibb Company, and HIVID, developed by Hoffman-LaRoche - produce similarly debilitating side effects. Several years of monitoring patients who have used antiretroviral therapies have changed a number of people's opinion about their effectiveness. While many AIDS specialists still believe that they prolong the time-frame between an HIV+ diagnosis and actually getting AIDS, many others think that because of their toxic nature, they actually hasten the onset of AIDS. Some go so far as to suggest they cause AIDS by destroying the body's immune system. In addition to the antiretroviral therapies, many doctors recommend the use of prophylactic drugs, such as Bactrim, a powerful antibiotic, to stave off such opportunistic infections as PCP, while others suggest that long-term antibiotic use interferes with ability to metabolize food, weakens the immune system and decreases resistance to opportunistic infections.
In other words, experts abound, but no one has the definitive answer. After all the labor that has gone into AIDS research - Nobel Prize winner Kary Mullis describes it as the population of "a small city" - only one thing seems really clear: nutrition helps. Most of the organisms that cause the diseases under the AIDS umbrella are common, but only gain a foothold in people with compromised immune systems. Therefore maintaining strength through a healthy diet and exercise appears to be one of the keys for prolonging life. It's here that marijuana plays one of its key roles as an adjunct therapy for people with AIDS.
MARIJUANA AS A.I.D.S. TREATMENT
Gregg Scott, who tested positive for HIV in 1987, sees marijuana as a vital part of his treatment.
"My story actually begins with someone else's," he said recently. "I watched a friend of mine, after he was told he was HIV-positive, give up all the things he enjoyed. He was a heavy drinker and he gave up drinking and he got healthier. He was a smoker and he gave up cigarettes and got healthier. But then he gave up the marijuana and we noticed an immediate change. He stopped eating, was put on AZT, and the next thing you know he was losing weight.
"When I saw this I realized that marijuana would play an important role in my therapy as my disease progressed. It's a key factor for me in terms of stress reduction, pain relief, eliminating nausea, and it gives me some degree of appetite. In fact, you could say I've devoted myself to smoking marijuana and eating good healthy food. And I'm convinced that's what's keeping me alive at this point. I'm pretty healthy for someone with no immune system left. I just take a hit and feel immediately better."
Patrice (last name confidential) is a 36-year-old Colorado woman, who was diagnosed HIV+ nearly 10 years ago and as an AIDS patient more than seven years ago. Her T-cells dropped to zero. She agrees with Scott on marijuana's importance. "I avoid their Babylon therapies, smoke marijuana every day to maintain my appetite and eat wholesome food. And if I feel low, I use natural herbs. The doctors just look at me, shake their heads and say `We don't know why you're the way you are, but whatever you're doing, just keep doing it.' "
But marijuana's benefit to the AIDS patient limited to its usefulness in weight maintenance. As AIDS progresses and the medical therapies utilized intensify, marijuana also provides patients with help in easing joint and muscle pain and reducing the stomach cramps associated with morphine use.
Additionally, marijuana's use has been known to eliminate the drug-induced stupor suffered by many AIDS patients during the end stages of the disease - which is often misdiagnosed, particularly in hospital settings, as AIDS-related "dementia." Two of the known cases of misdiagnosed dementia occurred with two of the four AIDS patients to ever receive federal marijuana: Steve Smith and Barbra Jenks. In 1988, Smith was found by his doctor lying in a fetal position in the psycho ward of an Oklahoma hospital, where he was put when another doctor thought he was suffering from dementia. Smith's doctor removed him from the hospital, took him for a car ride and gave him a joint. Two hours later he was clear-headed and mowing his lawn.
In Barbra's case, shortly before Christmas in 1992 her doctor told visitors she was suffering from dementia. At the time she had stopped eating, could no longer speak, could barely recognize her closest friends and was constantly drooling. Her husband, Kenny, brought her home, gave her a joint, made her dinner - which she ate - and put her to bed. The following morning she was speaking English again, and two days later she was riding a bicycle and doing her household chores. In both cases, the apparent dementia was probably the result of a combination of extremely powerful and toxic medications that left the patients near-vegetables. Following his time in the psycho ward, Steve Smith lived a productive life for more than a year before succumbing to AIDS. Barbra lived for three months following her dementia misdiagnosis.
Unfortunately, despite a mountain of testimonial evidence to marijuana's effectiveness as a therapy for HIV and AIDS patients, few doctors will go on record supporting it - though many confidentially agree it may be vital in their patients' long-term care.
One who is public, Dr. Douglas Ward, an AIDS specialist in the Washington area, says that many of his patients smoke. "I would prefer they use an approved antinausea medication, but if they have side effects or if marijuana is simply more effective, then that's fine with me." Asked to assess its effectiveness, Dr. Ward says that "I think it's individual among patients, but anecdotally it appears very effective, particularly for the control of nausea most commonly related to the multiple medications these people are on."
Not everyone who might be expected to jump on the marijuana-as-therapy wagon does, however. Less than four years ago, at a meeting of the AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power (ACT UP) in New York, longtime marijuana dealer and activist Dennis Peron - who had recently lost his lover to AIDS - was alternately ignored and jeered by most of the crowd for saying that marijuana could be good medicine for the relief of their pain, depression and nausea. Two years later, when he returned with San Francisco AIDS caregiver Brownie Mary Rathbun - who told the crowd about the effects her cannabis brownies had on AIDS sufferers - the reception was warmer, but still skeptical.
Part of the reason for the skepticism, even in a group like ACT UP, is a fear that calling for marijuana as medicine will result in people with AIDS (PWAs) being used by marijuana activists for their own agenda. Too, many continue to cling to unfounded fears that marijuana can have a deleterious effect on the immune system, an old allegation that has never been borne out by research. But others, like ACT UP activist George Carter, say that while marijuana has its upside, it has its downside for AIDS patients as well. "The major areas where marijuana seems to have a major benefit are for the nausea associated with chemotherapy, which is old news, and for appetite stimulation. But the downside of marijuana smoking is that smoking anything probably isn't good for people who are susceptible to lung infections. So I suggest that people consider baking it in brownies or drinking it as a tea. A waterpipe is another approach."
THE BUREAUCRATIC BOTTLENECK
A protocol to study marijuana's effectiveness as a treatment for AIDS patients - using waterpipes - is currently making its way through the labyrinth of bureaucracy at the Food and Drug Administration under the direction of Dr. Donald Abrams, assistant director of the AIDS program at San Francisco General Hospital and professor of medicine at the University of San Francisco. While Abrams isn't certain that marijuana helps AIDS patients, he has heard enough anecdotal evidence to want to investigate.
Abrams designed and submitted a protocol for the study to the federal government. Rick Doblin of the Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies (MAPS) lined up a Dutch marijuana-growing firm to be the suppliers. "We plan to do this study at San Francisco General Hospital with collaboration from several others in the medical profession, so that we can do sophisticated body-composition measurements to see if people really do gain weight, and whether it's muscle mass and not body fat or water. We also plan to look at the immune status of the patients and the effects of marijuana on their lungs."
Unfortunately, while Abrams' protocol was approved by the FDA, the Dutch government refused to allow the export of marijuana for the study until the US government approved its importation - and the US wouldn't approve its importation until the Dutch approved its export. Which meant Abrams had to rework his protocol, this time asking the National Institute of Drug Abuse for access to the marijuana grown on the federal pot farm in Mississippi. He has not yet heard whether NIDA will approve his request, much less whether the DEA will actually allow it to be shipped. In the midst of an epidemic, a doctor with impeccable credentials has not been able to get a simple study off the ground in more than two years because of bureaucratic interference.
GRASS-ROOTS RESISTANCE
Not everyone is willing to wait until the feds approve studies, however. During the past two years, more than two dozen Cannabis Buyers Clubs have sprung up around the nation, making marijuana available to AIDS patients and others who need it medically. Most of the clubs are of very limited size and work by either receiving handouts - generally shake - from growers, or by purchasing ounces and sharing them. Joe Barker has been HIV+ for nearly 10 years and has smoked cannabis for nearly 20. He started a small buyers' club in Charlottesville, VA more than a year ago, which the police allow him to operate. But lack of funds keep him from purchasing more than enough marijuana to serve half a dozen patients.
Activist Dennis Peron at the San Francisco Cannabis Buyer's Club
The Green Cross, a buyers' club run by Joanne McKee on Bainbridge Island in Washington state, is slightly larger, with 23 active members, most of them AIDS patients. The club distributes about 20 ounces of marijuana per month, though McKee says she there is a call for considerably more. "I just don't have enough medicine for everyone. Like all buyers' clubs, we need donations of medicine. These are sick people who need the help." McKee, who uses marijuana to treat a spinal-cord injury she sustained several years ago, says she always shared her personal marijuana with those in need. She started the Green Cross after watching an NBC television special about buyers' clubs and finding out that there was one in Seattle. "I went looking for it but couldn't find it, so I left my name and number around in case somebody could find it for me, and then I started getting calls from people saying they were starving to death and could I help them? It just sort of took off from there."
The largest known buyers' club in the USA is in San Francisco. Opened nearly two years ago by Dennis Peron and Brownie Mary Rathbun, it has 1,400 members and is growing weekly. During a recent call, the background noise at the club sounded more like a party than a place where most of the people are HIV+ or suffering from AIDS.
"This is a story of strength, community and understanding," said Peron on the other end of the line. "Of course there's laughter. We're trying to make people happy, to lift their spirits. The marijuana we sell - and give away to those who can't afford it - is just part of the therapy. Should we dwell on the two or three clients that die every week or the three dozen new clients who need this medicine?"
Dr. Tod Mikuriya, a Bay Area psychiatrist, has begun interviewing patients at the San Francisco club, both on their medical histories and their marijuana use. "I've interviewed 51 patients so far," says Mikuriya, "ranging in age from their 20s to their 60s. The most common AIDS-related symptoms treated by marijuana are nausea and loss of appetite, but high up there is depression too, which is very important. Some use it for pain relief from various types of chronic inflammatory phenomena attendant with AIDS conditions. Some are even using it for relief of dementia, inflammation of brain tissue or lymph nodes covering the brain. Some also use it to energize themselves to help get through the day; others use it to withdraw, shut down and sleep."
But while the buyers' clubs have thus far been left alone by the police and the DEA, individuals who grow their own remain at risk. Mark Tildon, a 30-year-old wheelchair-bound hemophiliac from Washington state who contracted HIV from contaminated blood products, currently faces a felony charge for growing four marijuana plants. Diagnosed HIV+ in 1988, Tildon had already discovered marijuana's medical benefits for relief of spasms in his hips.
Mark Tildon, HIV+ wheelchair-bound hemophiliac,
faces felony charges for growing four marijuana plants.
"As soon as I was diagnosed HIV+, I was put on AZT. It almost killed me. I was only on it for about two weeks, but I still lost my appetite. The thing with HIV is you have the same loss of appetite whether you're on AZT or not. If I didn't have cannabis I would have starved to death a long time ago."
Lucky enough to have known growers most of his life, it wasn't until recently that Tildon began to grow his own to insure a steady supply.
"Cannabis is not a cure-all, but it sure seems like it sometimes. It gets me through the day instead of making me want to check out early like a lot of people do.
"You know," he laughs, "I take 255 pills every two weeks for pain and spasms, but the only thing that really works is the cannabis. I just think it's kind of funny that they've been shoving these pills down my throat all these years and then I come along and find something that works better and is natural."
He now faces felony charges for his growing efforts.
"Each time the police come, they make jokes about my green thumb. I don't even feel like getting out of bed without marijuana. I just hurt too much. I get sore from wheeling the chair, I can't eat. I have to have marijuana, but with the police harassment I've been getting, it's getting pretty discouraging."
Tildon is not alone in facing police harassment. Sam Skipper, a San Diego PWA who made news last year when he was acquitted of marijuana-manufacturing charges, was back in jail on probation violation when High Times tried to contact him for this story. And Barbara Sweeney, a Marin County, California PWA, recently had her two plants confiscated by police, despite a local ordinance ordering police to leave legitimate medical-marijuana users alone. Across the country, thousands are facing similar situations. To get the medicine they need, they must risk jail time.
THOSE LEFT BEHIND
Despite the risk, more PWAs are realizing the value of marijuana in their therapy. But not everyone is getting the word. Most members of buyers' clubs and AIDS support groups are educated, and their circles pass information. Not so on the street. Steven Smith, who runs a 100-member buyers club in Washington, says, "Most of the buyers' clubs are cottage industries, and most of the people we serve are referrals from physicians. Unfortunately, street people who are getting city-hospital care are not being treated by doctors who recommend those people to buyers' clubs."
Keith Cylar of Housing Works, the AIDS housing group that also provides social services and needle exchange to New York City homeless and addicts, agrees that street people are not getting the information. "People should have as much information about this disease as possible, and since the government pays outreach workers to get to these people, there is no reason they should not be able to provide information about AIDS and HIV and possible treatments, including marijuana and nutrition. That they don't, I think, is a reflection of the government's attitude towards these people."
There is little hope that that attitude will change any time soon. The government's position on marijuana as medicine today is the same as Reagan's was on AIDS. Silence is the way of the walk. And silence about marijuana's effectiveness in treating the side effects of antiviral therapies, prophylactic antibiotics, and the actual diseases of AIDS is killing people.
CHARLIE'S RESPONSE TO POT
In the end, AIDS and its treatments should have nothing to do with politics and positions. The epidemic is about people. About friends dying too young, and horribly. If marijuana can alleviate some of their pain, there is no excuse, including drug wars and pharmaceutical company investments, that should stand in the way of getting it to people.
One of the most simple but dramatic demonstrations of marijuana's effectiveness I've ever personally witnessed occurred just outside the High Times offices. Charlie (not his real name), an original member of the marijuana-activist group Freedom Fighters, used to work up at HT occasionally and played with abandon on our softball team. You would never know he was living with AIDS.
Two years ago he stopped coming around as often, and when he did he looked progressively worse. He was on intensive AZT therapy, which left him spending a good deal of time in a local veterans' hospital.
One day last year, after a long absence, he showed up at the office. He'd just come from 15 days of treatment, and he looked awful. He was losing weight dramatically, but was simultaneously puffed up like a steroid caricature, and his neck was all black and blue from intravenous needles. He moved slowly, couldn't remember the names of many of the people he'd worked alongside and was too tired to walk more than 20 yards without resting.
We asked him if there was anything we could do. He said he wanted a joint, that he couldn't eat or drink, couldn't swallow and hurt all over. Someone had one, and we went outside where he smoked half of it. Within a minute he broke into a smile. "How's the team this year?" he asked. Fine, he was told. Suddenly he laughed a little. "I feel like a human for the first time in weeks," he said. "I feel like I just stepped out of a fog. Can we go upstairs again? I'm thirsty."
Charlie was dead a few weeks later. So are many of the people interviewed for this story. Most were already very ill. But most found relief, and quality of life for the time they had left, from marijuana - whether it was from eating better, relief from pain, easing their depression or just improving their outlook. That it remains forbidden is obscene. - P.G.
[End]
Reprinted without permission from High Times (though we did send them a message about it). For subscription or other information e-mail hteditor@hightimes.com.
Marijuana & AIDS Wasting Syndrome Study, from the New Year 1996 MAPS (Multidisciplinary Association For Psychedelic Studies) Newsletter.
http://www.marijuanalibrary.org/aids.html
Marijuana And AIDS
By Peter Gorman
High Times, December 1994
There are now 30 diseases listed under the condition known as Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndrome, AIDS. Most AIDS sufferers will contract several of these 30 during the course of their illness before finally succumbing to one of them. The traditional medications used in both their treatment and as prophylaxis - or prevention - cause a wide range of side effects, including loss of appetite, nausea, headaches, depression, pain, disorientation and fevers. Virtually the only medicine capable of treating the entire spectrum of side effects without causing harm to the user is marijuana. Naturally, it remains illegal.
Jim Barnes was 38 years old when High Times first contacted him in the fall of 1993. The Michigan resident had tested positive for the Human Immunodeficiency Virus, HIV, in 1986. In 1987 he began a regimen that included AZT treatment, an antiretroviral therapy thought to stave off the onset of AIDS-related diseases. But the therapy's side effects included disorientation and nausea and caused pain throughout his body; he quickly switched to another antiviral therapy, an experimental drug then called ddI. According to Barnes, the ddI seemed to help for about a year, but its side effects were also difficult: he found it incredibly speedy and it caused him to fly into emotional rages. He used marijuana to calm himself, and finally quit antiviral therapy altogether in 1988.
By 1989 he became ill and was diagnosed with AIDS. "I'd come down with an intestinal disorder that caused uncontrollable diarrhea and simultaneously made me throw up everything I ate," Barnes explained. "I began to lose a lot of weight. I dropped 36 pounds, from 150 to 114, within a month."
At the time he first exhibited symptoms, Barnes was an innkeeper at a bed-and-breakfast, a program counselor at an adult foster-care home, a coordinator for a leisure activity for handicapped people and a yoga instructor. Shortly after he became ill he gave up most of his work. And most of his income.
"I couldn't afford to buy marijuana anymore, but since I knew that it helped me both with my nausea and in regulating my weight - as well as eliminating the incredible headaches I used to get from my medications - I presented my doctor with the idea of getting me federal pot." While Barnes' physician was afraid of the possible ramifications of applying to the federal government for marijuana, he did open the door to him meeting a second doctor who agreed to fill out the necessary paperwork. In 1990, Robert Randall - the Washington glaucoma sufferer who was the first person to receive medical marijuana from the federal government - helped Barnes apply to the Food and Drug Administration for the Compassionate Investigation New Drug (IND) program.
Jim Barnes (R) with his partner, Gilbert Hansen, in 1993
Five months later his application was approved. He was given an IND number and told that his marijuana would be arriving any day. But the marijuana never arrived. The Drug Enforcement Administration, which has to approve federal marijuana shipments, refused to recognize Barnes' case. A year later, Barnes was notified that the IND program was under review by the Bush Administration, and several months after that, the program was terminated. Barnes, one of 34 patients who were approved for the IND program but denied access to federal marijuana, continued to buy from the street when he could. But eventually his funds ran out. He starved to death on July 18, 1994 - a victim of the AIDS "wasting syndrome."
"I'm bitter about it," says Barnes' surviving partner, Gilbert Hansen, himself HIV-negative. "He was down to 87 pounds when he died. He couldn't eat. Nausea . . . well, you know that story. When he had regular marijuana, we got him up to 156 pounds at one point. But he had no marijuana available at the end. Anything we could have gotten for him we simply couldn't afford. So he, thanks to the government, actually died of starvation. If you can imagine a five-foot eight-inch skeleton, that was Jim at the end."
WHAT IS A.I.D.S.?
The AIDS epidemic is unquestionably one of the great tragedies of the late 20th century. In the USA alone, it has struck 340,000 people since 1981, and nearly 205,000 have died. According to the federal Centers for Disease Control (CDC), it is now the number-one killer of black men between the ages of 25 and 44, and near the top of the list for all men in that age range. It is the fourth-leading cause of death of women of the same age.
Still, for all the press that has been devoted to it during the past several years, many of us still don't really know what AIDS is. In simplest terms, AIDS is an umbrella name given to 30 separate conditions when they occur in someone who has tested positive for HIV. These are mostly "opportunistic infections" that prey on weakened immune systems. In the USA, the leading AIDS killers include pneumocystis carinii pneumonia (PCP), tuberculosis, Kaposi's sarcoma (a form of cancer) and a microbial infection called MAC.
A person is defined as HIV-positive when a blood test indicates the presence of antibodies for HIV, one of a number of generally innocuous viruses called retroviruses. The CDC estimates that there are currently over one million people in the USA who are HIV-positive. Once thought to be limited to intravenous drug users and fast-track gay men, it is increasingly present in the heterosexual population as well. Additionally, it is estimated that as many as 75% of all hemophiliacs over the age of 10 are HIV-positive, the result of receiving tainted blood products prior to the advent of routine screening for HIV.
A diagnosis of HIV+ changes to a diagnosis of AIDS when a patient either contracts one of the 30 AIDS diseases or when his or her T-cell count - representing the number of healthy immune cells the patient has - falls below 200 (normal range is 800-1200). While most people believe that testing HIV-positive is a death sentence, the CDC estimates that a healthy person testing HIV positive can anticipate a life span of 10-plus years. And even that is changing. Many people have already reached that mark and have not yet exhibited any symptoms of AIDS. Complicating current thinking is the fact that a number of deaths from conditions diagnosed as AIDS have occurred in people who are HIV-negative, a syndrome commonly called "HIV-negative AIDS."
The politics surrounding the epidemic are as perplexing as the epidemic itself. For years the USA had a president, Ronald Reagan, who would not even say the word AIDS, much less commit sufficient funding for research on it. On the other hand, the private sector worked furiously to find a cure, and by the time the government could no longer avoid the topic, the pharmaceutical company Burroughs-Wellcome had developed the antiretroviral drug AZT. Initially thought to be a sort of magic bullet, it was recommended to nearly everyone who was HIV-positive, whether or not they were exhibiting symptoms. Unfortunately, AZT's side effects include wreaking havoc on the immune system, constant nausea, body aches, depression and, in some people, an inability to keep food down. More recent drugs in the same class - ddI, developed by the Bristol-Myers Squibb Company, and HIVID, developed by Hoffman-LaRoche - produce similarly debilitating side effects. Several years of monitoring patients who have used antiretroviral therapies have changed a number of people's opinion about their effectiveness. While many AIDS specialists still believe that they prolong the time-frame between an HIV+ diagnosis and actually getting AIDS, many others think that because of their toxic nature, they actually hasten the onset of AIDS. Some go so far as to suggest they cause AIDS by destroying the body's immune system. In addition to the antiretroviral therapies, many doctors recommend the use of prophylactic drugs, such as Bactrim, a powerful antibiotic, to stave off such opportunistic infections as PCP, while others suggest that long-term antibiotic use interferes with ability to metabolize food, weakens the immune system and decreases resistance to opportunistic infections.
In other words, experts abound, but no one has the definitive answer. After all the labor that has gone into AIDS research - Nobel Prize winner Kary Mullis describes it as the population of "a small city" - only one thing seems really clear: nutrition helps. Most of the organisms that cause the diseases under the AIDS umbrella are common, but only gain a foothold in people with compromised immune systems. Therefore maintaining strength through a healthy diet and exercise appears to be one of the keys for prolonging life. It's here that marijuana plays one of its key roles as an adjunct therapy for people with AIDS.
MARIJUANA AS A.I.D.S. TREATMENT
Gregg Scott, who tested positive for HIV in 1987, sees marijuana as a vital part of his treatment.
"My story actually begins with someone else's," he said recently. "I watched a friend of mine, after he was told he was HIV-positive, give up all the things he enjoyed. He was a heavy drinker and he gave up drinking and he got healthier. He was a smoker and he gave up cigarettes and got healthier. But then he gave up the marijuana and we noticed an immediate change. He stopped eating, was put on AZT, and the next thing you know he was losing weight.
"When I saw this I realized that marijuana would play an important role in my therapy as my disease progressed. It's a key factor for me in terms of stress reduction, pain relief, eliminating nausea, and it gives me some degree of appetite. In fact, you could say I've devoted myself to smoking marijuana and eating good healthy food. And I'm convinced that's what's keeping me alive at this point. I'm pretty healthy for someone with no immune system left. I just take a hit and feel immediately better."
Patrice (last name confidential) is a 36-year-old Colorado woman, who was diagnosed HIV+ nearly 10 years ago and as an AIDS patient more than seven years ago. Her T-cells dropped to zero. She agrees with Scott on marijuana's importance. "I avoid their Babylon therapies, smoke marijuana every day to maintain my appetite and eat wholesome food. And if I feel low, I use natural herbs. The doctors just look at me, shake their heads and say `We don't know why you're the way you are, but whatever you're doing, just keep doing it.' "
But marijuana's benefit to the AIDS patient limited to its usefulness in weight maintenance. As AIDS progresses and the medical therapies utilized intensify, marijuana also provides patients with help in easing joint and muscle pain and reducing the stomach cramps associated with morphine use.
Additionally, marijuana's use has been known to eliminate the drug-induced stupor suffered by many AIDS patients during the end stages of the disease - which is often misdiagnosed, particularly in hospital settings, as AIDS-related "dementia." Two of the known cases of misdiagnosed dementia occurred with two of the four AIDS patients to ever receive federal marijuana: Steve Smith and Barbra Jenks. In 1988, Smith was found by his doctor lying in a fetal position in the psycho ward of an Oklahoma hospital, where he was put when another doctor thought he was suffering from dementia. Smith's doctor removed him from the hospital, took him for a car ride and gave him a joint. Two hours later he was clear-headed and mowing his lawn.
In Barbra's case, shortly before Christmas in 1992 her doctor told visitors she was suffering from dementia. At the time she had stopped eating, could no longer speak, could barely recognize her closest friends and was constantly drooling. Her husband, Kenny, brought her home, gave her a joint, made her dinner - which she ate - and put her to bed. The following morning she was speaking English again, and two days later she was riding a bicycle and doing her household chores. In both cases, the apparent dementia was probably the result of a combination of extremely powerful and toxic medications that left the patients near-vegetables. Following his time in the psycho ward, Steve Smith lived a productive life for more than a year before succumbing to AIDS. Barbra lived for three months following her dementia misdiagnosis.
Unfortunately, despite a mountain of testimonial evidence to marijuana's effectiveness as a therapy for HIV and AIDS patients, few doctors will go on record supporting it - though many confidentially agree it may be vital in their patients' long-term care.
One who is public, Dr. Douglas Ward, an AIDS specialist in the Washington area, says that many of his patients smoke. "I would prefer they use an approved antinausea medication, but if they have side effects or if marijuana is simply more effective, then that's fine with me." Asked to assess its effectiveness, Dr. Ward says that "I think it's individual among patients, but anecdotally it appears very effective, particularly for the control of nausea most commonly related to the multiple medications these people are on."
Not everyone who might be expected to jump on the marijuana-as-therapy wagon does, however. Less than four years ago, at a meeting of the AIDS Coalition to Unleash Power (ACT UP) in New York, longtime marijuana dealer and activist Dennis Peron - who had recently lost his lover to AIDS - was alternately ignored and jeered by most of the crowd for saying that marijuana could be good medicine for the relief of their pain, depression and nausea. Two years later, when he returned with San Francisco AIDS caregiver Brownie Mary Rathbun - who told the crowd about the effects her cannabis brownies had on AIDS sufferers - the reception was warmer, but still skeptical.
Part of the reason for the skepticism, even in a group like ACT UP, is a fear that calling for marijuana as medicine will result in people with AIDS (PWAs) being used by marijuana activists for their own agenda. Too, many continue to cling to unfounded fears that marijuana can have a deleterious effect on the immune system, an old allegation that has never been borne out by research. But others, like ACT UP activist George Carter, say that while marijuana has its upside, it has its downside for AIDS patients as well. "The major areas where marijuana seems to have a major benefit are for the nausea associated with chemotherapy, which is old news, and for appetite stimulation. But the downside of marijuana smoking is that smoking anything probably isn't good for people who are susceptible to lung infections. So I suggest that people consider baking it in brownies or drinking it as a tea. A waterpipe is another approach."
THE BUREAUCRATIC BOTTLENECK
A protocol to study marijuana's effectiveness as a treatment for AIDS patients - using waterpipes - is currently making its way through the labyrinth of bureaucracy at the Food and Drug Administration under the direction of Dr. Donald Abrams, assistant director of the AIDS program at San Francisco General Hospital and professor of medicine at the University of San Francisco. While Abrams isn't certain that marijuana helps AIDS patients, he has heard enough anecdotal evidence to want to investigate.
Abrams designed and submitted a protocol for the study to the federal government. Rick Doblin of the Multidisciplinary Association for Psychedelic Studies (MAPS) lined up a Dutch marijuana-growing firm to be the suppliers. "We plan to do this study at San Francisco General Hospital with collaboration from several others in the medical profession, so that we can do sophisticated body-composition measurements to see if people really do gain weight, and whether it's muscle mass and not body fat or water. We also plan to look at the immune status of the patients and the effects of marijuana on their lungs."
Unfortunately, while Abrams' protocol was approved by the FDA, the Dutch government refused to allow the export of marijuana for the study until the US government approved its importation - and the US wouldn't approve its importation until the Dutch approved its export. Which meant Abrams had to rework his protocol, this time asking the National Institute of Drug Abuse for access to the marijuana grown on the federal pot farm in Mississippi. He has not yet heard whether NIDA will approve his request, much less whether the DEA will actually allow it to be shipped. In the midst of an epidemic, a doctor with impeccable credentials has not been able to get a simple study off the ground in more than two years because of bureaucratic interference.
GRASS-ROOTS RESISTANCE
Not everyone is willing to wait until the feds approve studies, however. During the past two years, more than two dozen Cannabis Buyers Clubs have sprung up around the nation, making marijuana available to AIDS patients and others who need it medically. Most of the clubs are of very limited size and work by either receiving handouts - generally shake - from growers, or by purchasing ounces and sharing them. Joe Barker has been HIV+ for nearly 10 years and has smoked cannabis for nearly 20. He started a small buyers' club in Charlottesville, VA more than a year ago, which the police allow him to operate. But lack of funds keep him from purchasing more than enough marijuana to serve half a dozen patients.
Activist Dennis Peron at the San Francisco Cannabis Buyer's Club
The Green Cross, a buyers' club run by Joanne McKee on Bainbridge Island in Washington state, is slightly larger, with 23 active members, most of them AIDS patients. The club distributes about 20 ounces of marijuana per month, though McKee says she there is a call for considerably more. "I just don't have enough medicine for everyone. Like all buyers' clubs, we need donations of medicine. These are sick people who need the help." McKee, who uses marijuana to treat a spinal-cord injury she sustained several years ago, says she always shared her personal marijuana with those in need. She started the Green Cross after watching an NBC television special about buyers' clubs and finding out that there was one in Seattle. "I went looking for it but couldn't find it, so I left my name and number around in case somebody could find it for me, and then I started getting calls from people saying they were starving to death and could I help them? It just sort of took off from there."
The largest known buyers' club in the USA is in San Francisco. Opened nearly two years ago by Dennis Peron and Brownie Mary Rathbun, it has 1,400 members and is growing weekly. During a recent call, the background noise at the club sounded more like a party than a place where most of the people are HIV+ or suffering from AIDS.
"This is a story of strength, community and understanding," said Peron on the other end of the line. "Of course there's laughter. We're trying to make people happy, to lift their spirits. The marijuana we sell - and give away to those who can't afford it - is just part of the therapy. Should we dwell on the two or three clients that die every week or the three dozen new clients who need this medicine?"
Dr. Tod Mikuriya, a Bay Area psychiatrist, has begun interviewing patients at the San Francisco club, both on their medical histories and their marijuana use. "I've interviewed 51 patients so far," says Mikuriya, "ranging in age from their 20s to their 60s. The most common AIDS-related symptoms treated by marijuana are nausea and loss of appetite, but high up there is depression too, which is very important. Some use it for pain relief from various types of chronic inflammatory phenomena attendant with AIDS conditions. Some are even using it for relief of dementia, inflammation of brain tissue or lymph nodes covering the brain. Some also use it to energize themselves to help get through the day; others use it to withdraw, shut down and sleep."
But while the buyers' clubs have thus far been left alone by the police and the DEA, individuals who grow their own remain at risk. Mark Tildon, a 30-year-old wheelchair-bound hemophiliac from Washington state who contracted HIV from contaminated blood products, currently faces a felony charge for growing four marijuana plants. Diagnosed HIV+ in 1988, Tildon had already discovered marijuana's medical benefits for relief of spasms in his hips.
Mark Tildon, HIV+ wheelchair-bound hemophiliac,
faces felony charges for growing four marijuana plants.
"As soon as I was diagnosed HIV+, I was put on AZT. It almost killed me. I was only on it for about two weeks, but I still lost my appetite. The thing with HIV is you have the same loss of appetite whether you're on AZT or not. If I didn't have cannabis I would have starved to death a long time ago."
Lucky enough to have known growers most of his life, it wasn't until recently that Tildon began to grow his own to insure a steady supply.
"Cannabis is not a cure-all, but it sure seems like it sometimes. It gets me through the day instead of making me want to check out early like a lot of people do.
"You know," he laughs, "I take 255 pills every two weeks for pain and spasms, but the only thing that really works is the cannabis. I just think it's kind of funny that they've been shoving these pills down my throat all these years and then I come along and find something that works better and is natural."
He now faces felony charges for his growing efforts.
"Each time the police come, they make jokes about my green thumb. I don't even feel like getting out of bed without marijuana. I just hurt too much. I get sore from wheeling the chair, I can't eat. I have to have marijuana, but with the police harassment I've been getting, it's getting pretty discouraging."
Tildon is not alone in facing police harassment. Sam Skipper, a San Diego PWA who made news last year when he was acquitted of marijuana-manufacturing charges, was back in jail on probation violation when High Times tried to contact him for this story. And Barbara Sweeney, a Marin County, California PWA, recently had her two plants confiscated by police, despite a local ordinance ordering police to leave legitimate medical-marijuana users alone. Across the country, thousands are facing similar situations. To get the medicine they need, they must risk jail time.
THOSE LEFT BEHIND
Despite the risk, more PWAs are realizing the value of marijuana in their therapy. But not everyone is getting the word. Most members of buyers' clubs and AIDS support groups are educated, and their circles pass information. Not so on the street. Steven Smith, who runs a 100-member buyers club in Washington, says, "Most of the buyers' clubs are cottage industries, and most of the people we serve are referrals from physicians. Unfortunately, street people who are getting city-hospital care are not being treated by doctors who recommend those people to buyers' clubs."
Keith Cylar of Housing Works, the AIDS housing group that also provides social services and needle exchange to New York City homeless and addicts, agrees that street people are not getting the information. "People should have as much information about this disease as possible, and since the government pays outreach workers to get to these people, there is no reason they should not be able to provide information about AIDS and HIV and possible treatments, including marijuana and nutrition. That they don't, I think, is a reflection of the government's attitude towards these people."
There is little hope that that attitude will change any time soon. The government's position on marijuana as medicine today is the same as Reagan's was on AIDS. Silence is the way of the walk. And silence about marijuana's effectiveness in treating the side effects of antiviral therapies, prophylactic antibiotics, and the actual diseases of AIDS is killing people.
CHARLIE'S RESPONSE TO POT
In the end, AIDS and its treatments should have nothing to do with politics and positions. The epidemic is about people. About friends dying too young, and horribly. If marijuana can alleviate some of their pain, there is no excuse, including drug wars and pharmaceutical company investments, that should stand in the way of getting it to people.
One of the most simple but dramatic demonstrations of marijuana's effectiveness I've ever personally witnessed occurred just outside the High Times offices. Charlie (not his real name), an original member of the marijuana-activist group Freedom Fighters, used to work up at HT occasionally and played with abandon on our softball team. You would never know he was living with AIDS.
Two years ago he stopped coming around as often, and when he did he looked progressively worse. He was on intensive AZT therapy, which left him spending a good deal of time in a local veterans' hospital.
One day last year, after a long absence, he showed up at the office. He'd just come from 15 days of treatment, and he looked awful. He was losing weight dramatically, but was simultaneously puffed up like a steroid caricature, and his neck was all black and blue from intravenous needles. He moved slowly, couldn't remember the names of many of the people he'd worked alongside and was too tired to walk more than 20 yards without resting.
We asked him if there was anything we could do. He said he wanted a joint, that he couldn't eat or drink, couldn't swallow and hurt all over. Someone had one, and we went outside where he smoked half of it. Within a minute he broke into a smile. "How's the team this year?" he asked. Fine, he was told. Suddenly he laughed a little. "I feel like a human for the first time in weeks," he said. "I feel like I just stepped out of a fog. Can we go upstairs again? I'm thirsty."
Charlie was dead a few weeks later. So are many of the people interviewed for this story. Most were already very ill. But most found relief, and quality of life for the time they had left, from marijuana - whether it was from eating better, relief from pain, easing their depression or just improving their outlook. That it remains forbidden is obscene. - P.G.
[End]
Reprinted without permission from High Times (though we did send them a message about it). For subscription or other information e-mail hteditor@hightimes.com.
Marijuana & AIDS Wasting Syndrome Study, from the New Year 1996 MAPS (Multidisciplinary Association For Psychedelic Studies) Newsletter.
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